Tag Archives: hotlines

True Life: love makes the difference

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Stigma deduces a persons value and worth based on societal views that are based in inequity and discrimination

Stigma is the reason so many people are in bondage for things like having mental illness or other illnesses deemed as “crazy, nasty, less than” 

When truthfully…it’s an illness or sickness beyond your control
And yet there is so much shame
So much guilt
Look at the stigma with COVID like cmon
it’s sad really
But i truly believe the key to living in a world where people living with mental illness and other ailments/disabilities are valued as humans and accepted for who they are, we need to destigmatize
and i believe that love will make the difference.
I decided that i will always love me, in spite of
I will always strive to show myself kindness and compassion
love and care
however I will always stay curious
I will always stretch myself to grow my brain
Always live life through an inquiry based lens
I heard this song lyric “don’t hide from the questions that rise deep within” and I’ve just marinated on that fr
Like our spirit and our intuition
Those feelings that question our integrity our motivations our intentions our decisions
It’s important to question these things
However, even when you don’t get it right it doesn’t mean you are less worthy of love or that your value decreases
It’s just acknowledgement of your humanity
So that you can check in with your areas for growth
I’m working on not communicating to people with an energy of irritation or stress
When I do that i am more likely to say something that may be offensive or even hurtful
However, as much as I strive and practice this way I will fall short time and time again
so I’m just practicing loving
I’m committed to extending myself the love and grace I look for others to extend me
I am also striving to be in more low stakes environments
Low stakes means being able to show up however I show up that day with whatever percentage of energy/capacity that i have that day
And still be loved
I know that i am always loved
And i am always deserving and worthy of love
Especially from me
At times when I have been around people who for whatever reasons have made me feel unloved,
In ways it made me feel less worthy of love
Like i had to work harder and try to earn their love in order to validate that i am indeed worthy of love
But that is not true
Real is God
And God is love
Love makes the difference
That self love should always remain
Even when you make mistakes
Even when we are eternally flawed
Even with all of our life’s complexities and past transgressions
Even when people tell you otherwise
Love makes all the difference
It makes the difference in how we experience life
And how we experience joy
And are able to foster a lifestyle of peace
So I’m reflecting on this month and all the ways I’ve fell short
All the things I’ve lost
All the ways I’ve hurt
And i am so grateful
Because of the love that i have for myself
Those things were not devastating
My love for myself and efforts to practice extending myself grace instead of criticism and judgement for not being perfect and also beating myself up bc of certain stigmas…
I’m just accepting of who I am today
Arms wide open for me
I’m doing alright
I am okay
I am well
I am whole
Because i love me and i am loved
The caterpillar evolves into the butterfly eventually
And it is beautiful
And it’s always the love
that makes all the difference ☎️

Sweeping In The Room

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let it out
wailing really
snot flowing as you release deep tears
cry out loud 
let it out
let it go
there’s a reason for how things flow
there is also a calling
a calling for me
a calling for you 
a calling for more 
but what is surrounding you?
why can’t you move on?
holding on to the pain
the same pain that was supposed to teach 
you how to feel again
the pain that woke you up to the reality of who you are
of where you are
the pain that consumes and convinces you 
that you don’t belong here
and you have nothing of value
did you forget who’s you are?
that defeating mindset 
didn’t you know that that pain was supposed to change you?
Something is shifting
Change is coming
you are set apart
you can’t be where everybody be
do what everybody do
eat what everybody eat 
and move how everybody move
instead 
you are a vessel
you will be used
you can be new
there is a message
deep within you God has been nearing
he has been molding 
twisting and turning
brewing and stewing in you 
don’t act like you don’t feel it too 
for every time that you were rejected
disrespected
taken advantage of…
He’s been right there, all along
why can’t you accept Him?
let everything else go
let it go
let his presence fill your room
and his healing sweep it clean
all those things you’ve been used to
the things you lean on
the habits you know don’t serve you
can’t serve you
won’t you let it go?
wont you try something new?
won’t you free yourself
from Him is where you’ll find your help
If only you’d open up your eyes
why won’t you take the time to understand the signs
Discern the way that you move in this world
There is a frequency beyond 
So get ready
Be prepared 
sharpen your spirits eye
and let God

Laugh Til We Cry

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A, bb appreciation prose 🌹

Heaven as a Hotline

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So I just had a moment.

Someone sent me some really kind words about my writing and then I was thinking “woah, I have a blog called ‘Heaven’s Hotlines’…do you know what that means?”

It finally hit me why I named it that and the concept behind such a name. A hotline is a place where you go to receive short-term crisis intervention. Be it needing help through an anxiety attack or just needing to know theres someone there to talk to you. Thats what hotlines are there for. To serve as that one connection in the world who a person reaches and supports them through a tough time.

Now to think of heaven as a hotline amazes me spiritually. It is the one connection I can call to be closer to God and get advice and support about my troubles, worries or fears. Additionally to that its the where I can connect to just to talk about positive things or gratitude as well. It’s a long term service that is always available.

So how does this relate to my naming my blog this when clearly I am not heaven? Well my intentions with this blog was to serve as a virtual representation of the thoughts I have and to serve as a transcript for some of my personal calls to heavens hotlines. Like sometimes I might post like my last few inspirational/creative pieces that may not seem like a call to heavens hotline but they are. In my own way I like to write and express whats on my heart whether it be about giving and getting love in this world or unmerited favor and looking for God in the wrong spaces, I feel its all connected. We all have different and unique ways that we connect to God.

Prayer is my hotline to heaven or to God. At any moment I can dial-up a prayer in the middle of a street or in class and just open up parts of me I can’t open up to anybody else. Mostly because He loves me unconditionally. He knows me inside and out and because I trust Him with my life. It’s comforting to know that as a christian I have this open prayer line where I can communicate with God at all times and prayer definitely changes things and is very powerful. So I mean I just want to encourage myself and others like me to pray more, keep that hotline open and fluid. It will provide an ease and peace of mind and the security you need to feel in your life.

Her Psalm

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So resilient she was born
with a fragile stamp mistakenly
placed on her forehead
And she has scars
Some deep
Some dark
Some long
But even the invisible wounds can’t tear her apart
From the start,
she fought with a strength
with a passion for life and with unwavering faith
She, in all her glory and clothed in all His grace
remained
Short but tall
Frail yet strong
She will never fall
Come storms, come hail, come all enemies far and long
She won’t be broken
Because He lies within her
The hope and love needed to sustain
this woman
He provides it all so surely
she will be great
And she will recover all upon the break of dawn.

(Inspired by Psalm 46:5)

Queens and Kings

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I’m really learning who I am in Christ.
I am Queen.
I am King.
Everywhere I go I will act as such.
From the clothes that I wear
To the food that I eat
I demand to be treated as no less than such because that’s really who I am.

I am humbled before God and committed to being a public servant and to help with the betterment of human kind. And though the only wealth I have is immaterial, I was born to be great and deserve the absolute best. I am so rich in character and so rich in quality.

I just needed to encourage myself, to make declarations because I have the power to do so by the grace of God, and I realized like I really deserve the best in this world. I am Queen.

And yeah, you should always be humble but you should walk with a confidence and an understanding of who you are and what you’ve inherited through the blood of Jesus Christ. Like I’m just so thankful for all the good things in my life like I would always feel down or insecure about how “little” I had but perspective is really reality. I am so blessed. So I will act accordingly. And once you know who you are you will feel the same comfort I feel and you won’t allow people to manipulate you or influence you to change. No, you’ll just be you and if they don’t like that then boo-who? boo them. Forreal like it’s not worth it to have negative people even close to your circle. As you start to figure out who you are your circles will too change accordingly. Until your surrounded by other Queens and other Kings.

Gifted and Talented

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I remember seriously struggling to learn and focus in the classroom when I was younger. I was in ESOL classes and lower level classes until I had this one teacher, Mrs. Penland, who stepped in and change my life. She was truly gifted at her job of teaching. She was also deeply passionate and took a real liking to myself and my family. So she would teach me after hours and even take me to her house sometimes and she really dedicated a lot of time to helping me prosper. Now this transition didn’t happen immediately, but I remember the time I  got placed into Gifted and Talented (GT) classes. GT classes distinguished students with gifts and talents from those who were average or seemingly un-gifted or talented. Now when I think about the kind of division the schools I attended created it’s kind of sad because God has given us all unique gifts independent from one another. However, just as being placed in GT classes gave me great confidence in myself academically, I remember when I wasn’t in those classes and the derogatory feeling of hopelessness that overcame me. I felt like there was nothing special about me. I felt I’d never be good enough.

Well in Romans 12:6 it says that by the grace of God we each have a gift. Meaning God intentionally gave each of us a different gift on purpose and that we all play a very important role in our ultimate goal here on earth which is to spread the gospel of Christ and His love. Now understanding this, I see how negligent schools are in making students feel un-gifted or incompetent. And I think that’s one of the worse things you could do to a kid’s spirit. Its just an unrelenting crushing of self-esteem and confidence for years and years. If you tell a kid they’re a bad kid, they will produce badness for that is all that they can hear that they’re good at. Similarly, if you tell a kid they are good they will produce goodness because they can hear that they’re good at being good.

I was really compelled to dial up heavens hotlines today because I really do believe that I’m gifted and talented. Not because some school placed me there but because He placed it in my heart. I feel like I’m gifted at infecting love wherever I go and I’m talented at working with kids. Who knows, I might have 3,4,5,6 million other gifts. But I know that I’m special. And I’m really honored to have the gifts and talents that I do because, when you decide to use them and put them to use for good or the betterment of others, it feels so rewarding and fulfilling. I just hope people don’t let their gifts and talents to waste. Like Dr. Seuss said no one is youer than you, so why not do you and show everyone what you can do?

Choose Me

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I’m dialing in now,

Because something painfully apparent had been revealed to me. I was so exhausted, heavy, practically a martyr, because I was so easily and intentionally influenced by my friends, my family, my teachers, all the people I know in the world. I have wanted them to shape me. And help me figure out who I am. By doing so, I have put them before me. Because my biggest joy was to be able to help someone with something as simple as making them smile or something as big as loaning them money I don’t really have.

The thing about God and prayer is that he will grant you all that you pray for; knowing this, I am comforted but also now realize I never knew what to pray about. I would just thank God for my life, ask for forgiveness from my wrongdoings and mostly I prayed for other people. But I rarely prayed for myself and my wants. Because I never really knew what I wanted for myself so I would just hope and pray that someone out there is also praying for me.

But man! I’m so done with all of that. I want to pray for me. I want to please me. I want to choose me for a change. Instead of wearing the fact, that I was always the last person to get chosen for a team for dodgeball; or that I was born under extenuating circumstances, as a badge of honor. I will humble myself. I will take delight in the lord and I’ll pray for me. This year, 2015,I choose me.

I wrote a piece called “The Knowledge of Good and Evil: Part 1” it is in a series of 3. Part 1 is about the internalized and brutal self-hatred a person may have for themselves and the uncovering of a facade. Part 2 is about the foreign self-love a person starts to consciously strive and long for with true joy in mind. Then the final, Part 3 is about forgiveness. The forgiveness of yourself. I am my toughest critic to the point where I once feared my own self and my capabilities. But now I no longer fear. I am calm and at peace with who I am today. I love who I am. I love me, for a change.

And I just love how God has been using me and my writing. It truly is a gift that I don’t take for granted. People admire me for my writing or my confidence or my perseverance and I know it’s not me that they see when they look admirably onto me. It is the light in me. He deserves all the glory. And I just want everyone to feel the love I feel. Cause it really all could be so simple…

2014: How do you Measure a Year?

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In Love.
As simple as that.
How much did you love and feel this
year?
I woke up this morning not feeling well at all. I was attacked by all kinds of cold/flu symptoms! However, as I was being taken good care of by my love all I could think about was how blessed of a year this was. Love is what drove me and kept me happy. Mostly the Love of God and the Love of myself. It was an amazing year! I feel like I’m turning 1 year old because this was the first year that I went into where I declared that I was going to make my happiness a priority. And though I went through a lot this year, my spirits were high and remain strong. Stronger than ever. Every photo captured of me smiling this year was truly genuine. I was truly happy. So the following short posts will be brief reflections on my year. On my growth.

“whatever you do, don’t get upset, it only hurts you”

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Now. I know unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to get sick. But anger. Anger is not something I’m familiar with because I rarely get angry but what I noticed is that when I do… I really really get angry. And I let it build up and up because my tolerance level is so high.

So after virtually blowing up last night, and reaching out to my dad at like 3am, he shed some brief but serious light on me. Anger does not solve anything. God says we should be slow to anger and I know that but I assumed since I wasn’t angry often then that still would count right? No. When I look at the advice he gave me it made so much sense. It was just like the poison analogy. I was the one to go to sleep angry and make all these angry snapchat stories and even had a dream about letting out my anger on the person in the situation.

Then I woke up to a beautiful quiet morning. And I found clarity. I realize that while I’m mature there are moments like these where I feel my rationale is that of a person more my age. Because I mean, I’m young and I’m learning. I’m learning and practicing, I guess is a better way to put it, how to deal with situations as a woman. I appreciate this experience for taking me 0-100 but then realizing shortly after that it doesn’t have to be all that. You should never let the actions of others impede upon your happiness. And me, I protect my happiness with a passion which is why I guess I’m shocked I blew up like I did. But again, one person can only take but so much I’m just glad I came out of this having learned something.