Category Archives: Mental Health Awareness

CHEMS

All of these chems

Blue blood pumping

infiltrating my system

A doctor twisting my intuition

Unbearable

Bordering miserable

How can I go on like this?

Life is locked inside these bottles

Inside these tablets

Inside of these capsules that are sweltering

With the illusion of happy

These bottles they twist and we still pop too

Because the desperation is real

we dangle on the edge of sanity the moment we wake from soiled sheets

Sheets we swam in to escape our forced Goodmornings but that we still cling to our almost lovers or their absence thereof

Fearful of these never ending nights

Can’t rest

Can’t eat

And we don’t protest this cycle

Cause we settle for whatever chems they decide is best

Cant seem to find, but we know it’s the nutrients that were missing

For now, we bury the costs

And still wonder,

What will we have left?

Advertisements

Metaphor to my life, mane

Scott Mescudi.

I’m so happy that you chose You. And I’ve been thinking all day… There is nothing to feel ashamed about but I hear you. And I empathize with you. See we literally all go through things in life. This is why the spirt of a person, their peace of mind, their mental health is so important. Only you know you. And you have to make your mental health a priority. After all what do we exist in this life for? To be troubled or to be happy? To find joy. Find peace. to self-actualize. Cudi literally, just by way of being who he is and being brave enough to seek help, inspired and actually motivated so many people to share their own individual stories about their mental health on so many different platforms of social media today. I’m just so moved. It takes great courage and bravery to speak up about something so real & personal , but I’m so glad that he did because it welcomed so many others to do the same. I can’t wait until we live in a world where these conversations are welcomed and regular. Where we are having these conversations frequently and creating the time and space into our society in a way that shows how much we value one another and mental health.

Blessings to cudi.

Hoping he heals and finds his happy again. And I hope others are motivated to be just as brave and seek help. That might look like a lot of different ways as people generally have different needs. But I’d encourage everyone to take some time to be conscious of their mental health this week and beyond. Just be mindful and honest about how you’re doing. How you feel. Acknowledge those feelings and adopt some healthy coping mechanisms.

 

If you’re musically  inclined and believe in the power of music as a healing agent (like I do)…Some songs old and new that have been helpful in my mindfulness about how I’m feeling and also that have lifted me up even while writing this include:

Sky Might Fall| Cudi

Ghost| Cudi

Eternal Sunshine| Jhene

Finish Line/Drown| Chance

I Gotta Find Peace of Mind|Lauryn Hill

Novacane| Frank Ocean

Cranes in the Sky| Solange

 

 

 

 

Angel’s Dust

It’s like crack,
Harlem shaking through your bones
It always brings you back to
Burnt glass dicks and a powdered nose
This is what life through sore eyes has become

A thick ball of pain and suppression caught right in the throat
Sunken brown eyes, blood shot red on disguising the truth
The vapors, the capsules and inhalation redefining your youth

You quit like a thousand times
Rehabbing from bad habits
Hoping the color returns to your face
But condemn yourself when you can’t
And return to the trap houses, where many a night you’ve slept on cold floors,
These have become the safe houses of your reality
Blanketed in the comfort of familiarity

So you slip again
Apologize again
Ain’t got a friend
But in drugs you feel closer to the God you feel within so you pray
Pray hard
Pray He just takes you away
Until another hit lights your soul on fire
Feels so good, what could be so bad about wanting to get higher?

This vicious cycle rips away chunks of your existence with fatal shark-sized bites
How could something so wrong feel so right?
Feel so light…
Take your spirit on flight
But imprison the beautiful temple where the power within you lives to break free of such a life

Numb

This pain
It was sharp and alive,
Not like the kind I’ve long been used to.
It was the kind that consumes
With dark gloomy clouds raining down well into my June
I got used to this feeling
This feeling of being used
It becomes so great sometimes you have to question if you’re still ‘you’
It’s the kind you can’t shake off
with pins and needles everywhere
You just feel lost

It’s the kind you can only see through half smiles
It affects you through invisible, unspeakable ways
They say,
The eyes are the window to your soul but your smile is the shield behind which you can hide 
It’s that reminder that so long as the sun is out, even though you may feel cold and afraid,

You have to smile
And imagine that things are alright
You’re grateful for your life but that stinging never quite fades away.
Through darkness and in light it stands by
See this was different.
It was unwelcomed and persistent
It was like exhaling and never breathing again
It made you wish you couldn’t feel a thing
It’s when walking through thunderstorms is easier than blending in with a sunny day

This pain was different…

It seemed like nothing would be the same, I was forced to surrender my flame
I’d muted all emotion
And my eyes adjusted to the night
Because when this darkness came
It stayed
It became my only friend
Smothered me with black, heavy chains
that held me down and drowned me in rain
And some nights I’d howl to the moon
I envied how no matter how dark the night, it still shined through

But one night,
I saw God in that moon
And my heart flickered.