A, bb appreciation prose 🌹
Recently, I have been showered in words of affirmation
As if I’m a magical being, from a magical space
People have poured out beautiful words
that have completely elevated my appreciation for who I am
I have been told anything between “you have a beautiful mind” to “I wish I had a you”
This has touched me, deeply
Not in a “this is new to me” sort of way more so a “you see me”
-Sort of way
It is easy to feel invisible when you feel that your life’s purpose is to help others
And it seems that when they see you all they tend to see you for is how you can help
This is the life of a band-aid
A natural supporter of anything good and everything they love
We are the band aid’s
The ones who show up
The ones who spend countless of unaccounted hours holding on
We are the band aid’s
the one’s you keep behind your mirror in the bathroom
For the just “in case’s”
But do you ever wonder, that band-aid’s might need band aid’s too?
As much of an honor it is to be one- we all need one
To be there
To kiss and make things all better
To receive love that they don’t have to ask for
To be held without having to instruct on how to hold
We, the band-aid’s
We do not need to be told
We identify pain
We offer support
We do not wait
Can you imagine how much pain, and breaking and ripping and tearing
Shedding and molding and failing that it took for that band aid to even become?
How many times did the adhesive fall off
How many times did the water wash us away
The band aid is a blend of all the things people wish they could be
Society holds band-aids in the highest of esteem
But much like public school teachers
so few ever choose to remain
Because it is a thankless position
You are celebrated for being there, because the need is endless
Things get really tough a lot
and it is the band aid that does the hard work
The ugly work
The heavy lifting
But all cuts
Both in the deep and in the shallow-all heal in time
They all stop bleeding, eventually
And for a few moments, that band aid mends anything that may have tried to break you
It quite literally supports you so fiercely that it helps you to piece yourself back together
But what happens to the band aid?
It gets dirty
It gets soggy
It gets old
And then it gets discarded
Often before the cut even fully heals it gets replaced
I am the band aid
I have always been the band-aid
It costs me nothing to love you
I find it easy to be there for you
I neither gain nor lose anything I have within me by doing so
I am a giver.
In this life, it is important to identify what it is you practice
Because you get really good at anything you practice
As a band aid, I practice giving and gratitude
I practice unconditional love
Whether that love is reciprocal or not, it is what I practice
And I practice for free.
So that I can give for free.
I believe that you get what you give
I want unconditional love
It is all I have ever wanted
I practice vulnerability
It is all I have every wanted
I practice empathy
It is all I have ever wanted
I practice transparency
It is all I have ever wanted
I practice honesty
It is all I have every wanted
And most of all I practice joy
It is everything.
I am committed to healing myself
My nurturing and healing qualities allow me to be there
And I neither gain nor lose anything I have within me by doing so
Anyone that I love and believe in, it is easy to love you
It is easy math for me to be there
I manifested the person I want to be
And I know that I will receive everything I need and deserve, eventually
I died today
For much too long, I tried so hard to stay
Flirting with limbo
Until I could bend no more
I could not stretch my hands further
Running at super sonic speed one day I crashed into my father
I found him when I went wandering
Through the meadows of nature
And it hit me that this was painted by his brush and
All the bumping and jiving
The sneaking, the lying
The sex and reckless driving
The tree and long islands
Could not compare to the feeling of freedom I got that day when I lift my eyes up
Fresh water streaked down my cheeks
And collected into a puddle reflecting my whole life
Mirroring the emptiness
The bitter loneliness that all along I’d tried to hide back when
I was driven by my passion and desire
To feel loved
But the good news is that I let it all go
And I died today
And the world could go up in flames
And I wouldn’t batt a lash
Because of the many they put on His back
I’m free and forever an heir
And there’s no chance of me turning to salt
Cause there’s no looking back from here
I find myself wandering about
fading in and out of daydreams
snippets of things imagined, things unseen
things that haven’t happened yet, things between you and me
And I wonder for a split second could this be?
Could we both be falling
for the wrong thing…
Yet some time ago I couldn’t feel a thing
numb to the idea of my heart pulsating for anyone
then you stormed into my life
Water-falling me into complete submission
Cascading your presence into my daily consumption
You remind me that the moon knows when to shine and the sun surely rises
I wake to your face and its smiling
Is this a dream?
Cause sometimes it feels like I’m flying.
Even if only for a second
I have to finally accept that
You are permanently ingrained in my grey matter
my eyes flicker at the hope, at the sheer potential of
A reflection of myself fading deep within your iris.
So I just had a moment.
Someone sent me some really kind words about my writing and then I was thinking “woah, I have a blog called ‘Heaven’s Hotlines’…do you know what that means?”
It finally hit me why I named it that and the concept behind such a name. A hotline is a place where you go to receive short-term crisis intervention. Be it needing help through an anxiety attack or just needing to know theres someone there to talk to you. Thats what hotlines are there for. To serve as that one connection in the world who a person reaches and supports them through a tough time.
Now to think of heaven as a hotline amazes me spiritually. It is the one connection I can call to be closer to God and get advice and support about my troubles, worries or fears. Additionally to that its the where I can connect to just to talk about positive things or gratitude as well. It’s a long term service that is always available.
So how does this relate to my naming my blog this when clearly I am not heaven? Well my intentions with this blog was to serve as a virtual representation of the thoughts I have and to serve as a transcript for some of my personal calls to heavens hotlines. Like sometimes I might post like my last few inspirational/creative pieces that may not seem like a call to heavens hotline but they are. In my own way I like to write and express whats on my heart whether it be about giving and getting love in this world or unmerited favor and looking for God in the wrong spaces, I feel its all connected. We all have different and unique ways that we connect to God.
Prayer is my hotline to heaven or to God. At any moment I can dial-up a prayer in the middle of a street or in class and just open up parts of me I can’t open up to anybody else. Mostly because He loves me unconditionally. He knows me inside and out and because I trust Him with my life. It’s comforting to know that as a christian I have this open prayer line where I can communicate with God at all times and prayer definitely changes things and is very powerful. So I mean I just want to encourage myself and others like me to pray more, keep that hotline open and fluid. It will provide an ease and peace of mind and the security you need to feel in your life.
I fell on bended knees
weeping with hurt and sadness all around me
all the bad, darkness and the heartbreaks of yesterday’s consuming my mental
Father, I can’t even look you in your eyes
my shame and guilt have led me blind
But with my head hanging down I cling to your feet
Because you’re the only good thing that I know
The only one to whom I can go
But why do I allow these people to hurt me so?
Queen, get up.
My daughter go spend time with me
laugh and sing and talk freely
For it’s only I who can interpret that song your heart sings
Only I can heal that pain he brings
And look at me with those beautiful brown eyes
And that brilliant sparkling smile
And go on with your life
You are so much more than this
I planned more for you than to just exist
Trust in me and you’ll be free
And I promise that in my love,
you will truly find peace
So stand strong
For I am the foundation you are built on.
Every time you stumble, or choke on the sin-filled air of this world; I will breathe you back to life.
Daughter, you have to know that,
Your beautiful soul is worth dying
So be still and stop all your crying.
For indeed you know who I am.
The Conquering Lion.
So resilient she was born
with a fragile stamp mistakenly
placed on her forehead
And she has scars
But even the invisible wounds can’t tear her apart
From the start,
she fought with a strength
with a passion for life and with unwavering faith
She, in all her glory and clothed in all His grace
Short but tall
Frail yet strong
She will never fall
Come storms, come hail, come all enemies far and long
She won’t be broken
Because He lies within her
The hope and love needed to sustain
He provides it all so surely
she will be great
And she will recover all upon the break of dawn.
(Inspired by Psalm 46:5)
I’m really learning who I am in Christ.
I am Queen.
I am King.
Everywhere I go I will act as such.
From the clothes that I wear
To the food that I eat
I demand to be treated as no less than such because that’s really who I am.
I am humbled before God and committed to being a public servant and to help with the betterment of human kind. And though the only wealth I have is immaterial, I was born to be great and deserve the absolute best. I am so rich in character and so rich in quality.
I just needed to encourage myself, to make declarations because I have the power to do so by the grace of God, and I realized like I really deserve the best in this world. I am Queen.
And yeah, you should always be humble but you should walk with a confidence and an understanding of who you are and what you’ve inherited through the blood of Jesus Christ. Like I’m just so thankful for all the good things in my life like I would always feel down or insecure about how “little” I had but perspective is really reality. I am so blessed. So I will act accordingly. And once you know who you are you will feel the same comfort I feel and you won’t allow people to manipulate you or influence you to change. No, you’ll just be you and if they don’t like that then boo-who? boo them. Forreal like it’s not worth it to have negative people even close to your circle. As you start to figure out who you are your circles will too change accordingly. Until your surrounded by other Queens and other Kings.