Category Archives: Poems

To My Future Valentine

Our love would model the universal design of loving
This love will require visuals, music, bold print,
aromatherapy, magnetic sand, highlighters, graphic organizers,
manipulatives, accommodations
modifications even
You’d love me like slow cooking soul food
And yes some times it would require headphones
low lights, candles and a soft touch
You would rub my scalp and play with the baby hairs on the nape of my neck
We’d laugh together mostly but know when to be serious and express the depths of the truths in our heads
We’d play rock, paper, scissors to decide who’s turn it was to do the dishes next
And sometimes I’d just let you win
And you’d end up helping me dry and put them away anyways
You’d hold the door for me
You’d compliment me
And would never forget a “thank you”
Yes, my love, we’d love
The sort of love where I could see my life in your eyes
Not my future life
Not a bigger house
Not a new job
Not even some future kids
But I’d see you seeing me and loving me for who I am
Right now
Not for what I can be
Not for what I can give
And we’d nurture that love and keep growing and growing it in the same direction together
Because we prepared for this
Yes, AI, we are talking about practice
We have practiced
Look at your palms beloved,
You see those two lines that start out separate and then join into one very thick, intertwined line?
That is us…that is our story
Lord knows how many lovers and losses it cost us
It scarred us
But my future valentine,
I would heal you with the water
And you would heal me with the earth
My interests and passions would matter
Not necessarily because you share the same ones but because you’d be so enamored at how I light up doing what I love
And I’d study you
I’d take the time to learn your love language and so would you
until our love became fluently bilingual
My love,
I would shower you with the live sony orchestra version of my hearts song
Spatial audio of course so you’d hear all the strings, drums, keys, the guitar
you’d notice that this,
this was your song all along
A song you’d innately been humming the same melody to although you thought the tune was gone
We’d both bring bags of our own life’s traumas… that yeah, we need to sort through
but we’d keep them in the garage so that nothing would come in between us
Our best would fluctuate each day
Some days we’d finish each others sentences and do something spontaneous
Other days we’d be doing our own things, alone, but always together;
somehow connected
We’d communicate
And we’d both want it to be this way
With such a giving spirit, we’d generously fill each others cups
We’d be overflowing
We’d be the something sweet after dinner
We’d be the electrolytes the next day after drinking
We’d be like when that one cafeteria lady would give you a little extra gravy on those mashed potatoes we’d eat in school during thanksgiving season
We would always be swaying
When we are out doing our own thing nobody would ever ask you “where’s ab?” Because they’d see me right there inside of you
Vibrating
We’d spend all of our days loving completely and learning when to pivot
When to adjust
When to go harder
When to maintenance
When to kiss each other all over
When to practice patience
When to be quiet
When one of us just needs to sit in silence under the covers
When one of us is hungover
When one of us just needs to be around some love
When enough is enough
We’d be there
And we’d never have to beg
We’d never have to go too long without each other
I’d never be ashamed of my disorders because even with all that I come with, your hands are large enough to hold on
we’d love freely,
open and honest

Yes love, this is the sort of love that lives in my head.
So I wrote it down so I can manifest it into my reality instead.

Sweeping In The Room

let it out
wailing really
snot flowing as you release deep tears
cry out loud 
let it out
let it go
there’s a reason for how things flow
there is also a calling
a calling for me
a calling for you 
a calling for more 
but what is surrounding you?
why can’t you move on?
holding on to the pain
the same pain that was supposed to teach 
you how to feel again
the pain that woke you up to the reality of who you are
of where you are
the pain that consumes and convinces you 
that you don’t belong here
and you have nothing of value
did you forget who’s you are?
that defeating mindset 
didn’t you know that that pain was supposed to change you?
Something is shifting
Change is coming
you are set apart
you can’t be where everybody be
do what everybody do
eat what everybody eat 
and move how everybody move
instead 
you are a vessel
you will be used
you can be new
there is a message
deep within you God has been nearing
he has been molding 
twisting and turning
brewing and stewing in you 
don’t act like you don’t feel it too 
for every time that you were rejected
disrespected
taken advantage of…
He’s been right there, all along
why can’t you accept Him?
let everything else go
let it go
let his presence fill your room
and his healing sweep it clean
all those things you’ve been used to
the things you lean on
the habits you know don’t serve you
can’t serve you
won’t you let it go?
wont you try something new?
won’t you free yourself
from Him is where you’ll find your help
If only you’d open up your eyes
why won’t you take the time to understand the signs
Discern the way that you move in this world
There is a frequency beyond 
So get ready
Be prepared 
sharpen your spirits eye
and let God

my sisters hands

hot like they had spent a lifetime sizzling beneath the sun
nails peeling back at the cuticles of her own insecurities
her own beatings
her own twisted memories
shortcomings
in her palms she carried the weight
weight of the pain
weight of the pressure
weight of this world
weight of the wait
waiting for someone to acknowledge her own scars
she chose to inflict them on me
whip after whip
she slapped and she punched
breaking and breaking me
and anyone who got in her way
through her finger tips she grated me
thought she was twisting me into a better molding
more like her and less and less of me
even her knuckles were scolding
let her tell it she experienced worse things
purple, black and blue faded her golden hue
like weapons she used
my sister, she used her hands for giving tattoos
marking her territory
at times she used them for good
from studying to cooking
to clapping to grabbing
to writing and dancing
to creating and shaping
but most memorable to me, for breaking
for bondage
with the same hands she sought to lead me with
she would slap a smile right off of my face
sweat, tears and a mean mug
my own hands trembling
burning with a silent rage
at how I could let my sister touch me that way
little sisters must stay in little sisters place
if only our mothers knew
how i looked myself in the mirror and couldn’t feel the same
so ashamed
tears ablaze
my own hands became rough like sand paper
a crinkling that even lotion couldn’t soothe
my head bowed
bloody and bruised
mushed to the ground
I learned to fear her hands more than her words
those hands
sometimes they would swing
sometimes they would fly
ball up and blow all over me
even with the lights off
those hands always found a way back
I remember a rare moment of peace
once we held our shaking palms to one another
wrist to wrist
and like puzzle pieces they just fit together
It’s like we saw each other in one another
but her pulse flickered electricity into mine
triggers
the trauma
a shocking thought electrocuted me
how could I be my sisters keeper
to laugh and to love her
To help and encourage
to hold and to heal her
a sister who’s hands held secrets of their own
hands used to mislead me
deceive me
to discipline me into a violent room trapped in dark thoughts
hazy with a lack of care
hands I thought that I once needed
they Inflicted such a pain
Such a grief
I lost sight of what there was to gain
We could have been best friends back then
Using those hands for weaving each others hair
We could have been real family
The kind who hugs and holds and shares whatever their hands touch
we could’ve used those hands to hold mics and to sing old jams together
Or from the same bowl we could have eaten together
she could have used those hands to teach me to read
or to point me in the right directions
And although we tried those things later on
It was much too late
damage done
It was never really the same
Engulfed in shame
Low eyes, a razor tongue and a gut full of guilt
And my own unforgiveness to the fact that she used those hands
to strangle my life from my veins
what kind of sister
Could love you and still seek to change your name
And what kind of sister would I be if I didn’t take part of the blame
twisted convictions reshape our perceptions
But those hands they taught me lessons
Cruel cruel lessons
that my sisters hands, fierce as they were
also had big sisters who used hands on her
hands that influenced what she thought her own hands should be made of

Laugh Til We Cry

A, bb appreciation prose 🌹

Way We Love

“we love the way we do because we tell the truth”
a beautiful affirmation sent between brown lips
the same lips they used to defile us
the same lips that we heal wounds with
our hugs are like Scriptures
reflections of the love of our creator
this bond is proof of black existence
we pull up to a red light and laugh and dance with black girls in the cars on the left
in those same cars, wave hi and flash our white tiles at black boys in the cars to the right
we love and we fight
our words are powerful but they are not the only things that heal us
we are who we say we are
even when we disagree, we end the night with a tight embrace
pouring our love back into one another
in a flicker of rage, an outburst of displaced emotion
we do not hesitate to not only apologize but acknowledge where we made the mistake
we take our time
time means a lot to us so we do not waste
yes we go in between time, days, sometimes months
our communication style is not conventional
still, a love like ours is unconditional
we pick back up right where we left off
like continuing a Netflix show
and we rarely have to rochambeaux to work through our differences
because the grace that lives within us requires no thing of the sort
it is not always sweet-and it is almost never easy
but we have practiced
failed again and practiced
we are still growing but
“we love the way we do because we tell the truth”
there is no hiding
no suppressed passive aggression, or silent competition between one another
we are lovers, and we are friends
always friends, always lovers
there is no mask suffocating who we really are
in fact, I know you like I know my name
we keep no secrets
even the things we do not yet know
are just that much more we have to explore, together
and when we look in the mirror
there we are, reflecting that blinding light
we don’t walk in this world projecting our insecurities on others
searching for someone to blame
we recognize and work through our pain
we know we have more growth to go, but ultimately we surrender to the sky above
meditating with “I am not who I once was”
plenty of journey to go
no paralyzing fear can keep us from being seen
because we love
the way we love, we love
because we really do
the beautiful parts and all the darkness
we see it all and we love it all
we stand and sometimes we fall, we miss calls, txts
regress with an ex, sometimes we lose money
with some of the wrong people we have slept
but still we own it
we all have the right to be who we are
“we love the way we do because we tell the truth”
that is the common thread
good, bad, ugly or ashamed
we’re honest
we have always been who we say we are

 

love in retrospect

hopped in the car

On a night

with no stars

Riding shot gun

Yes, me and you

Everything is closed

we gon find something to do

Look at you

I love the way

We just bust ass

in that game of uno

They all thought that we were in kahoots

Cause they knew that you were my boo boo

We stay outside

Mosquitos all in the area

But we fear no malaria

This love it will carry us

To the next seven eleven

Sippin slurpees

Brain freeze

Know your favorite is cherry but

Let me introduce you

To French kisses and hickeys

I remember the first time I met you I was scared of ya

We met on a summer day

But that look you gave me was so cold

Felt like I knew you from a different life time

Your soul was so old

The night me and your mama met

Gambino smoothly playing through the radio

I looked at you

You looked at me

I’m thinking I wanna marry ya

Cause they say ain’t nothing new under the sun

But you, you took me to the moon

And I knew you were the one

Feels good to be here

Windows fogging up

This conversation keeps weaving in and out of topics like how we were raised

To the places I wanna Rome wit ya

Seat belts won’t save us

From the cascading fate of me building a home in ya

You became my family

In that moment

You increased my stamina

Can’t imagine my life without you

The tribe yelling “can I kick it?” in the back ground

And I just remembered this playlist you made for us

The stars are out now

Through your eyes I see them glaring up

We been outside 6 hours now

Tank close to e

But I have no where to be

But to be here wit ya

Don’t ever leave me

And no matter where you go I’ll still be wit ya

Remember the night that started with no stars

Chillin in the car

With your past, present and future love

You are one of the great ones

And for me you are enough

if all my lovers were one

If all my lovers were one
we would be magic
spaceship riding shot gun
free of bad habits
I wonder about you
what are you willing to lose?
If its between me and her
It’s me, you would always choose
better days ricochet
off our vibrations
you bring me
peace
love
joy
happiness
and then some,
If only all of my lovers could be found in just one
I would be lifted
So high
Like john legend
No smoke, cause we know better
But it would be breezy
Damn, how hard it always is for you to leave me
Magnetic forces intertwine our inner beings
And even our outerbeings gravitate
So effortlessly
it’s hard not to see us
Baby, you would really be my baby
If all my lovers were one
We would never throw in the towel
We would never be “done”
We would love hard
never love alone
You would always be my only one
You’d be more than enough
If only all my lovers were one
We’d write poetry and sing our hearts out
We’d play fifa and really ball out
We’d stay up late watching movies
We’d trade books
We’d color within the lines
And watch anime until we cried
Oh how we would share fufu
How we would really get fly
We’d definitely go hiking
For you I would always write haikus
And how we’d dance all night
We’d play guitar to the rhythm of our heart beats til there was no doubt
No doubt about us
We won’t live without this
Cause now we know love
Real love
This is righteous
It lives in our eyes and soars through our kiss
If all my lovers were one
We would never miss
We would never hurt eachother with harsh words
We would never drift
No time would ever exist
It’d be pure bliss
If all of my lovers were one you would be
the one
my one
If all of my lovers could be found in just one
Love would conquer all
We would finally feel home

A Midnight Rose

We’re like the rose
Elegant with beautiful imperfections
Though highly respected
sometimes are neglected
When those petals shrivel into a dark crisp
And it’s life has seemingly been ended
But you see the rose and how it grows
Only lord knows how long it will have it’s life
It buds as a small flower and blooms into a majestic work of art
Praised and worshipped by men
Used to sweep them off their feet and woo women
but when they dry and shrivel up are trashed into a bin
What if we cherished a dark midnight rose
With dark stiff petals that are perceived to be dead?
What if we accepted that a rose is still a rose and a beautiful symbol for how we in our own lives too will grow?
Stunning and bold, full of color and life but one day our ripest of petals will soon fall off.
The rose is but a symbol of our hearts.
Not a measure of how we live and die in this life.
We are the roses.
For surely it is roses that grow from the depths of our hearts and reflect the love from which our souls shine.
And when those roses are in their prime be sure to share them and spread them all over.
There’s a flicker of light in the eyes of the reciever. They will be delighted and smitten by this grand gesture. A rose can make them a believer.
Be the roses.
Be that symbol of love and appreciation that you hope to fill the hearts of others.
Be the roses.
And one day you too shall recieve your own.
Be the roses.

Cause roses don’t die.

Three on the Third

There were three of us
Same dirt road
We walked for miles
Spent miles thinking of rest
Wondering if we could hide under the moon
Dreading the suns return
The night was jet black
There were no stars
We had no car
And we avoided any eye contact
That might give away how close we are
To breaking
Breaking down
Breaking hard
This parallel to life had gone too far
Never again would this mind be the same
Didn’t even notice it was the trigger
That gave way
Gave way to the vulnerabilities
The ones that never existed before
But now stay
How did I get this way?
Nothing about my life had changed until that jet-black night with no stars
Walking along a dirt path with no car
My mental is forever shifted
There’s an imbalance they say
But what a life I live to witness
A resilience unfazed
by every symbol
The wind blew her way
That said “you are not enough”
Too many times she fell but every time she’d rise
Because of what happened that jet-black night with no stars walking on a dirt path with no car was that she found her heart still danced to its own rhythm and through each sacrifice there was a light being lit at the vigil of her failures.
Everything happens for a reason
But that don’t ever mean it’s all easy.
Accept the good, the bad and all its seasons

It was written, the reason we’re still breathing 

The Best Years

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We go weeks and months in between
We can’t, but want to be there
Sharing coffee, spilling tea, remembering
The bond we’ve nurtured over these years
You see, I watched your kids grow up
They grew up right in front of me
And I remember when you jumped the broom
How we danced that night, I remember
Yes I remember
That one birthday, we got so lit
It was all a blur but the memory remains
Just like I remember that year you graduated
And how we celebrated
We laughed
We sang
We danced
These are the times
The times I will always remember
I remember waiting outside the club
Freezing in heels
Waiting to get to our table
I remember that time we got so high
I thought the car was a spaceship
I got seasick and my insides met your floor
I remember
I remember you making music working on beats
And us sleeping on that hard floor of that studio
Yes I remember
How could I not remember
How time has escaped me
Where did the minutes go
The hours we used to spend talking on the phone
Take me back to the soccer games we played
The young love I used to date
Time is precious
And as my clock ticks down
I learn to cherish
Because these days will swiftly pass by
And today will become yesterday
Within a blink of an eye
Black hair turns gray
And suddenly we can’t remember certain things
We lived in so many moments
But we will never get them back
The memories will never let go
And it’s getting harder to stay in touch
But wherever you go
However you grow
Please, just remember
Remember how things were before
Before we had jobs
Before we had nice clothes
Before the car payments
Before we knew what we now know
Our time is ever fleeting
And these years will keep going faster
Seeming shorter
So be in the moment
When it comes to memories I’m a hoarder
And I will hold on to as many details as I can remember
Because to remember
Can feel like to relive 

And to relive is to experience love once again