Our love would model the universal design of loving This love will require visuals, music, bold print, aromatherapy, magnetic sand, highlighters, graphic organizers, manipulatives, accommodations modifications even You’d love me like slow cooking soul food And yes some times it would require headphones low lights, candles and a soft touch You would rub my scalp and play with the baby hairs on the nape of my neck We’d laugh together mostly but know when to be serious and express the depths of the truths in our heads We’d play rock, paper, scissors to decide who’s turn it was to do the dishes next And sometimes I’d just let you win And you’d end up helping me dry and put them away anyways You’d hold the door for me You’d compliment me And would never forget a “thank you” Yes, my love, we’d love The sort of love where I could see my life in your eyes Not my future life Not a bigger house Not a new job Not even some future kids But I’d see you seeing me and loving me for who I am Right now Not for what I can be Not for what I can give And we’d nurture that love and keep growing and growing it in the same direction together Because we prepared for this Yes, AI, we are talking about practice We have practiced Look at your palms beloved, You see those two lines that start out separate and then join into one very thick, intertwined line? That is us…that is our story Lord knows how many lovers and losses it cost us It scarred us But my future valentine, I would heal you with the water And you would heal me with the earth My interests and passions would matter Not necessarily because you share the same ones but because you’d be so enamored at how I light up doing what I love And I’d study you I’d take the time to learn your love language and so would you until our love became fluently bilingual My love, I would shower you with the live sony orchestra version of my hearts song Spatial audio of course so you’d hear all the strings, drums, keys, the guitar you’d notice that this, this was your song all along A song you’d innately been humming the same melody to although you thought the tune was gone We’d both bring bags of our own life’s traumas… that yeah, we need to sort through but we’d keep them in the garage so that nothing would come in between us Our best would fluctuate each day Some days we’d finish each others sentences and do something spontaneous Other days we’d be doing our own things, alone, but always together; somehow connected We’d communicate And we’d both want it to be this way With such a giving spirit, we’d generously fill each others cups We’d be overflowing We’d be the something sweet after dinner We’d be the electrolytes the next day after drinking We’d be like when that one cafeteria lady would give you a little extra gravy on those mashed potatoes we’d eat in school during thanksgiving season We would always be swaying When we are out doing our own thing nobody would ever ask you “where’s ab?” Because they’d see me right there inside of you Vibrating We’d spend all of our days loving completely and learning when to pivot When to adjust When to go harder When to maintenance When to kiss each other all over When to practice patience When to be quiet When one of us just needs to sit in silence under the covers When one of us is hungover When one of us just needs to be around some love When enough is enough We’d be there And we’d never have to beg We’d never have to go too long without each other I’d never be ashamed of my disorders because even with all that I come with, your hands are large enough to hold on we’d love freely, open and honest
Yes love, this is the sort of love that lives in my head. So I wrote it down so I can manifest it into my reality instead.
let it out wailing really snot flowing as you release deep tears cry out loud let it out let it go there’s a reason for how things flow there is also a calling a calling for me a calling for you a calling for more but what is surrounding you? why can’t you move on? holding on to the pain the same pain that was supposed to teach you how to feel again the pain that woke you up to the reality of who you are of where you are the pain that consumes and convinces you that you don’t belong here and you have nothing of value did you forget who’s you are? that defeating mindset didn’t you know that that pain was supposed to change you? Something is shifting Change is coming you are set apart you can’t be where everybody be do what everybody do eat what everybody eat and move how everybody move instead you are a vessel you will be used you can be new there is a message deep within you God has been nearing he has been molding twisting and turning brewing and stewing in you don’t act like you don’t feel it too for every time that you were rejected disrespected taken advantage of… He’s been right there, all along why can’t you accept Him? let everything else go let it go let his presence fill your room and his healing sweep it clean all those things you’ve been used to the things you lean on the habits you know don’t serve you can’t serve you won’t you let it go? wont you try something new? won’t you free yourself from Him is where you’ll find your help If only you’d open up your eyes why won’t you take the time to understand the signs Discern the way that you move in this world There is a frequency beyond So get ready Be prepared sharpen your spirits eye and let God
hot like they had spent a lifetime sizzling beneath the sun nails peeling back at the cuticles of her own insecurities her own beatings her own twisted memories shortcomings in her palms she carried the weight weight of the pain weight of the pressure weight of this world weight of the wait waiting for someone to acknowledge her own scars she chose to inflict them on me whip after whip she slapped and she punched breaking and breaking me and anyone who got in her way through her finger tips she grated me thought she was twisting me into a better molding more like her and less and less of me even her knuckles were scolding let her tell it she experienced worse things purple, black and blue faded her golden hue like weapons she used my sister, she used her hands for giving tattoos marking her territory at times she used them for good from studying to cooking to clapping to grabbing to writing and dancing to creating and shaping but most memorable to me, for breaking for bondage with the same hands she sought to lead me with she would slap a smile right off of my face sweat, tears and a mean mug my own hands trembling burning with a silent rage at how I could let my sister touch me that way little sisters must stay in little sisters place if only our mothers knew how i looked myself in the mirror and couldn’t feel the same so ashamed tears ablaze my own hands became rough like sand paper a crinkling that even lotion couldn’t soothe my head bowed bloody and bruised mushed to the ground I learned to fear her hands more than her words those hands sometimes they would swing sometimes they would fly ball up and blow all over me even with the lights off those hands always found a way back I remember a rare moment of peace once we held our shaking palms to one another wrist to wrist and like puzzle pieces they just fit together It’s like we saw each other in one another but her pulse flickered electricity into mine triggers the trauma a shocking thought electrocuted me how could I be my sisters keeper to laugh and to love her To help and encourage to hold and to heal her a sister who’s hands held secrets of their own hands used to mislead me deceive me to discipline me into a violent room trapped in dark thoughts hazy with a lack of care hands I thought that I once needed they Inflicted such a pain Such a grief I lost sight of what there was to gain We could have been best friends back then Using those hands for weaving each others hair We could have been real family The kind who hugs and holds and shares whatever their hands touch we could’ve used those hands to hold mics and to sing old jams together Or from the same bowl we could have eaten together she could have used those hands to teach me to read or to point me in the right directions And although we tried those things later on It was much too late damage done It was never really the same Engulfed in shame Low eyes, a razor tongue and a gut full of guilt And my own unforgiveness to the fact that she used those hands to strangle my life from my veins what kind of sister Could love you and still seek to change your name And what kind of sister would I be if I didn’t take part of the blame twisted convictions reshape our perceptions But those hands they taught me lessons Cruel cruel lessons that my sisters hands, fierce as they were also had big sisters who used hands on her hands that influenced what she thought her own hands should be made of
It’s been 30 years but way more than 30 moments heavens blessings and twisted rollercoasters the person you see before you actually needs an introduction because whether u remember me as shy little sua wit the swoop and side ponytails or maybe super cool swizzle sua wit the converse with the bows at the end The “is this the same Sua that got crazy-stupid-thick outta no where?” Or the “Akooswah” who later learned how to pronounce her own name the loud laughing Kanye loving Pepsi drinking Big red gum chewing Anime watching Forever tweeting Sensitive lover girl This is your first time meeting me 30 years of journey Encounters with death Plenty concoctions of meds One too many unstable relationships with men And yet the one person who prided herself on friends See I planted a home in each of you So that no matter where you went in the world I always had a piece of you But it has been 30 years yall 30 GoodMorning beautifuls 30 haikus 30 wrong turns 30 txts saying “just thinking of you” 30 crippling fears way more than 30 tears 30 hours spent teaching me that I was the one behind the steering wheel Wisdoms you only learn by the cruel hand of this world Dark dark days Slow walks Time forever fleeting There were times I wished my heart would really just stop beating Imagine that Bright white smiling Always dancing Always joking Always grateful for life but There took a death of my ego, for me to survive this A breaking of my state of mind Strapped to a bed and going a month without seeing outside The woman standing before you Maybe you call her many names Call her Su or swizzle, she hates “sway” Wannie Monnie, Coslaw maybe just “the roses” AB could be a thing if Sua would get out the way Or maybe you are my family, you call me Akos reminding me of home You call me sister, you call me babe, you call me friend Maybe you have many memories from back in the day Maybe our connection has seen waves This person, I’ve witness her grow every day And her heart, my heart it sings this same song A smooth rhythm with the soul of the color blue Or is it mahogany Either way, God really called on me I found myself kicking and screaming in his arms waving my hands frantically at the ocean of life I thought I was drowning My feet couldn’t touch the ground And I couldn’t taste the difference in the salt of life’s water and the salt in the tears in my eyes I was going blind! But I wasn’t drowning I wasn’t falling God was baby rocking me, walking me closer to shore All along and I felt like I just wasted so much time 30 drinks too many 30 drunken nights 30 hot boxes more than 30 goodbyes Instead these were the lessons Life’s mathematics Curating me So, I say all of this to say Hi, my name is Akosua Renee Bamfo And I Thank you Thank you for being a love in my life for witnessing my 30 moon phases for 30 laughing sessions more than 30 FaceTimes 30 deep depressions 30 of them real ugly cries 30 long flights 30 deep breaths 30 “just come over’s” 30 and still alive God crossed our paths for a reason And I’m so blessed to know you through all these seasons Im a walking talking miracle I look in the mirror and see a living vessel here for the spreading A narrative A testimony An anchor To the story of the God who created me And the light and love you feel in me Remember is just a reflection of Him
Recently, I have been showered in words of affirmation As if I’m a magical being, from a magical space People have poured out beautiful words that have completely elevated my appreciation for who I am I have been told anything between “you have a beautiful mind” to “I wish I had a you” This has touched me, deeply Not in a “this is new to me” sort of way more so a “you see me” -Sort of way It is easy to feel invisible when you feel that your life’s purpose is to help others Be there Aid others And it seems that when they see you all they tend to see you for is how you can help ________________________________________________ This is the life of a band-aid A natural supporter of anything good and everything they love We are the band aid’s The ones who show up The ones who spend countless of unaccounted hours holding on Pouring And listening Always listening We are the band aid’s the one’s you keep behind your mirror in the bathroom For the just “in case’s” But do you ever wonder, that band-aid’s might need band aid’s too? As much of an honor it is to be one- we all need one To be there To kiss and make things all better To receive love that they don’t have to ask for To be held without having to instruct on how to hold We, the band-aid’s We do not need to be told We identify pain We offer support We do not wait _________________________________________ Can you imagine how much pain, and breaking and ripping and tearing Shedding and molding and failing that it took for that band aid to even become? How many times did the adhesive fall off How many times did the water wash us away The band aid is a blend of all the things people wish they could be Society holds band-aids in the highest of esteem But much like public school teachers so few ever choose to remain Because it is a thankless position You are celebrated for being there, because the need is endless Things get really tough a lot and it is the band aid that does the hard work The ugly work The heavy lifting But all cuts Both in the deep and in the shallow-all heal in time They all stop bleeding, eventually And for a few moments, that band aid mends anything that may have tried to break you It quite literally supports you so fiercely that it helps you to piece yourself back together But what happens to the band aid? It gets dirty It gets soggy It gets old And then it gets discarded Often before the cut even fully heals it gets replaced __________________________________________________________ I am the band aid I have always been the band-aid It costs me nothing to love you I find it easy to be there for you I neither gain nor lose anything I have within me by doing so I am a giver. In this life, it is important to identify what it is you practice Because you get really good at anything you practice As a band aid, I practice giving and gratitude I practice unconditional love Whether that love is reciprocal or not, it is what I practice And I practice for free. So that I can give for free. I believe that you get what you give I want unconditional love It is all I have ever wanted I practice vulnerability It is all I have every wanted I practice empathy It is all I have ever wanted I practice transparency It is all I have ever wanted I practice honesty It is all I have every wanted And most of all I practice joy
It is everything.
I am committed to healing myself My nurturing and healing qualities allow me to be there And I neither gain nor lose anything I have within me by doing so Anyone that I love and believe in, it is easy to love you It is easy math for me to be there I manifested the person I want to be
And I know that I will receive everything I need and deserve, eventually
I am a story teller. Because i believe that we all have a story worthy of being told. To be here still, after all these years, is a miracle. I’m very blessed. I’m very thankful. Life is so so precious. And our time here is fleeting. I choose to enjoy every moment. I choose to cherish everyone I hold near to me. I choose to not live in fear. I choose to lead with love. I choose to only be surrounded by love. I choose to forgive. I choose to keep learning. Keep growing. I choose. And we are all a reflection of our choices. This year proved to me that my growth and strength have really increased. The storm always comes, but my ability to adapt- I must say. I impress myself. I’ve recovered from things that just a few years ago would have completely debilitated me. For that, I’m grateful. So anyways, I reflect on a daily basis but especially on my birthday. It’s an opportunity for new life and better things. I wish myself more of the good things. More discernment with how I spend my time and with who. I wish myself more discipline to achieve more goals. More travels! More memories with my loves. I wish myself even more peace of mind. Kindness to my reflection. Less “sorry’s” for being who I am. More appreciation of my life’s challenges. More wisdom to navigate the ups and downs. And most importantly a deeper acceptance of the fact that i am so deserving of joy, love and compassion from myself and from others.
I’m so blessed to see the day I turned 28 on the 28th on a Sunday. The symmetry and significance is too important. Who would’ve thought.