Author Archives: AB

About AB

Creative writings made with the intentions of spreading love, light and hope.

To My Future Valentine

Our love would model the universal design of loving
This love will require visuals, music, bold print,
aromatherapy, magnetic sand, highlighters, graphic organizers,
manipulatives, accommodations
modifications even
You’d love me like slow cooking soul food
And yes some times it would require headphones
low lights, candles and a soft touch
You would rub my scalp and play with the baby hairs on the nape of my neck
We’d laugh together mostly but know when to be serious and express the depths of the truths in our heads
We’d play rock, paper, scissors to decide who’s turn it was to do the dishes next
And sometimes I’d just let you win
And you’d end up helping me dry and put them away anyways
You’d hold the door for me
You’d compliment me
And would never forget a “thank you”
Yes, my love, we’d love
The sort of love where I could see my life in your eyes
Not my future life
Not a bigger house
Not a new job
Not even some future kids
But I’d see you seeing me and loving me for who I am
Right now
Not for what I can be
Not for what I can give
And we’d nurture that love and keep growing and growing it in the same direction together
Because we prepared for this
Yes, AI, we are talking about practice
We have practiced
Look at your palms beloved,
You see those two lines that start out separate and then join into one very thick, intertwined line?
That is us…that is our story
Lord knows how many lovers and losses it cost us
It scarred us
But my future valentine,
I would heal you with the water
And you would heal me with the earth
My interests and passions would matter
Not necessarily because you share the same ones but because you’d be so enamored at how I light up doing what I love
And I’d study you
I’d take the time to learn your love language and so would you
until our love became fluently bilingual
My love,
I would shower you with the live sony orchestra version of my hearts song
Spatial audio of course so you’d hear all the strings, drums, keys, the guitar
you’d notice that this,
this was your song all along
A song you’d innately been humming the same melody to although you thought the tune was gone
We’d both bring bags of our own life’s traumas… that yeah, we need to sort through
but we’d keep them in the garage so that nothing would come in between us
Our best would fluctuate each day
Some days we’d finish each others sentences and do something spontaneous
Other days we’d be doing our own things, alone, but always together;
somehow connected
We’d communicate
And we’d both want it to be this way
With such a giving spirit, we’d generously fill each others cups
We’d be overflowing
We’d be the something sweet after dinner
We’d be the electrolytes the next day after drinking
We’d be like when that one cafeteria lady would give you a little extra gravy on those mashed potatoes we’d eat in school during thanksgiving season
We would always be swaying
When we are out doing our own thing nobody would ever ask you “where’s ab?” Because they’d see me right there inside of you
Vibrating
We’d spend all of our days loving completely and learning when to pivot
When to adjust
When to go harder
When to maintenance
When to kiss each other all over
When to practice patience
When to be quiet
When one of us just needs to sit in silence under the covers
When one of us is hungover
When one of us just needs to be around some love
When enough is enough
We’d be there
And we’d never have to beg
We’d never have to go too long without each other
I’d never be ashamed of my disorders because even with all that I come with, your hands are large enough to hold on
we’d love freely,
open and honest

Yes love, this is the sort of love that lives in my head.
So I wrote it down so I can manifest it into my reality instead.

Sweeping In The Room

let it out
wailing really
snot flowing as you release deep tears
cry out loud 
let it out
let it go
there’s a reason for how things flow
there is also a calling
a calling for me
a calling for you 
a calling for more 
but what is surrounding you?
why can’t you move on?
holding on to the pain
the same pain that was supposed to teach 
you how to feel again
the pain that woke you up to the reality of who you are
of where you are
the pain that consumes and convinces you 
that you don’t belong here
and you have nothing of value
did you forget who’s you are?
that defeating mindset 
didn’t you know that that pain was supposed to change you?
Something is shifting
Change is coming
you are set apart
you can’t be where everybody be
do what everybody do
eat what everybody eat 
and move how everybody move
instead 
you are a vessel
you will be used
you can be new
there is a message
deep within you God has been nearing
he has been molding 
twisting and turning
brewing and stewing in you 
don’t act like you don’t feel it too 
for every time that you were rejected
disrespected
taken advantage of…
He’s been right there, all along
why can’t you accept Him?
let everything else go
let it go
let his presence fill your room
and his healing sweep it clean
all those things you’ve been used to
the things you lean on
the habits you know don’t serve you
can’t serve you
won’t you let it go?
wont you try something new?
won’t you free yourself
from Him is where you’ll find your help
If only you’d open up your eyes
why won’t you take the time to understand the signs
Discern the way that you move in this world
There is a frequency beyond 
So get ready
Be prepared 
sharpen your spirits eye
and let God

my sisters hands

hot like they had spent a lifetime sizzling beneath the sun
nails peeling back at the cuticles of her own insecurities
her own beatings
her own twisted memories
shortcomings
in her palms she carried the weight
weight of the pain
weight of the pressure
weight of this world
weight of the wait
waiting for someone to acknowledge her own scars
she chose to inflict them on me
whip after whip
she slapped and she punched
breaking and breaking me
and anyone who got in her way
through her finger tips she grated me
thought she was twisting me into a better molding
more like her and less and less of me
even her knuckles were scolding
let her tell it she experienced worse things
purple, black and blue faded her golden hue
like weapons she used
my sister, she used her hands for giving tattoos
marking her territory
at times she used them for good
from studying to cooking
to clapping to grabbing
to writing and dancing
to creating and shaping
but most memorable to me, for breaking
for bondage
with the same hands she sought to lead me with
she would slap a smile right off of my face
sweat, tears and a mean mug
my own hands trembling
burning with a silent rage
at how I could let my sister touch me that way
little sisters must stay in little sisters place
if only our mothers knew
how i looked myself in the mirror and couldn’t feel the same
so ashamed
tears ablaze
my own hands became rough like sand paper
a crinkling that even lotion couldn’t soothe
my head bowed
bloody and bruised
mushed to the ground
I learned to fear her hands more than her words
those hands
sometimes they would swing
sometimes they would fly
ball up and blow all over me
even with the lights off
those hands always found a way back
I remember a rare moment of peace
once we held our shaking palms to one another
wrist to wrist
and like puzzle pieces they just fit together
It’s like we saw each other in one another
but her pulse flickered electricity into mine
triggers
the trauma
a shocking thought electrocuted me
how could I be my sisters keeper
to laugh and to love her
To help and encourage
to hold and to heal her
a sister who’s hands held secrets of their own
hands used to mislead me
deceive me
to discipline me into a violent room trapped in dark thoughts
hazy with a lack of care
hands I thought that I once needed
they Inflicted such a pain
Such a grief
I lost sight of what there was to gain
We could have been best friends back then
Using those hands for weaving each others hair
We could have been real family
The kind who hugs and holds and shares whatever their hands touch
we could’ve used those hands to hold mics and to sing old jams together
Or from the same bowl we could have eaten together
she could have used those hands to teach me to read
or to point me in the right directions
And although we tried those things later on
It was much too late
damage done
It was never really the same
Engulfed in shame
Low eyes, a razor tongue and a gut full of guilt
And my own unforgiveness to the fact that she used those hands
to strangle my life from my veins
what kind of sister
Could love you and still seek to change your name
And what kind of sister would I be if I didn’t take part of the blame
twisted convictions reshape our perceptions
But those hands they taught me lessons
Cruel cruel lessons
that my sisters hands, fierce as they were
also had big sisters who used hands on her
hands that influenced what she thought her own hands should be made of

Thirty Roses

It’s been 30 years
but way more than 30 moments
heavens blessings
and twisted rollercoasters
the person you see before you
actually needs an introduction
because whether u remember me as
shy little sua wit the swoop and side ponytails
or maybe super cool swizzle sua wit the converse with the bows at the end
The “is this the same Sua that got crazy-stupid-thick outta no where?”
Or the “Akooswah” who later learned how to pronounce her own name
the loud laughing
Kanye loving
Pepsi drinking
Big red gum chewing
Anime watching
Forever tweeting
Sensitive lover girl
This is your first time meeting me
30 years of journey
Encounters with death
Plenty concoctions of meds
One too many unstable relationships with men
And yet the one person who prided herself on friends
See I planted a home in each of you
So that no matter where you went in the world
I always had a piece of you
But it has been 30 years yall
30 GoodMorning beautifuls
30 haikus
30 wrong turns
30 txts saying “just thinking of you”
30 crippling fears
way more than 30 tears
30 hours spent teaching me that I was the one behind the steering wheel
Wisdoms you only learn by the cruel hand of this world
Dark dark days
Slow walks
Time forever fleeting
There were times I wished my heart would really just stop beating
Imagine that
Bright white smiling
Always dancing
Always joking
Always grateful for life but
There took a death of my ego, for me to survive this
A breaking of my state of mind
Strapped to a bed and going a month without seeing outside
The woman standing before you
Maybe you call her many names
Call her Su or swizzle, she hates “sway”
Wannie Monnie, Coslaw maybe just “the roses”
AB could be a thing if Sua would get out the way
Or maybe you are my family, you call me Akos reminding me of home
You call me sister, you call me babe, you call me friend
Maybe you have many memories from back in the day
Maybe our connection has seen waves
This person, I’ve witness her grow every day
And her heart, my heart it sings this same song
A smooth rhythm with the soul of the color blue
Or is it mahogany
Either way,
God really called on me
I found myself kicking and screaming in his arms
waving my hands frantically at the ocean of life
I thought I was drowning
My feet couldn’t touch the ground
And I couldn’t taste the difference in the salt of life’s water and the salt in the tears in my eyes
I was going blind!
But I wasn’t drowning
I wasn’t falling
God was baby rocking me, walking me closer to shore
All along and
I felt like I just wasted so much time
30 drinks too many
30 drunken nights
30 hot boxes
more than 30 goodbyes
Instead these were the lessons
Life’s mathematics
Curating me
So, I say all of this to say
Hi, my name is Akosua Renee Bamfo
And I Thank you
Thank you for being a love in my life
for witnessing my 30 moon phases
for 30 laughing sessions
more than 30 FaceTimes
30 deep depressions
30 of them real ugly cries
30 long flights
30 deep breaths
30 “just come over’s”
30 and still alive
God crossed our paths for a reason
And I’m so blessed to know you through all these seasons
Im a walking talking miracle
I look in the mirror and see a living vessel
here for the spreading
A narrative
A testimony
An anchor
To the story of the God who created me
And the light and love you feel in me
Remember is just a reflection of Him

Here’s to thirty Roses.

Laugh Til We Cry

A, bb appreciation prose 🌹

The Life of The Band-Aid

Recently, I have been showered in words of affirmation
As if I’m a magical being, from a magical space
People have poured out beautiful words
that have completely elevated my appreciation for who I am
I have been told anything between “you have a beautiful mind” to “I wish I had a you”
This has touched me, deeply
Not in a “this is new to me” sort of way more so a “you see me”
-Sort of way
It is easy to feel invisible when you feel that your life’s purpose is to help others
Be there
Aid others
And it seems that when they see you all they tend to see you for is how you can help
________________________________________________
This is the life of a band-aid
A natural supporter of anything good and everything they love
We are the band aid’s
The ones who show up
The ones who spend countless of unaccounted hours holding on
Pouring
And listening
Always listening
We are the band aid’s
the one’s you keep behind your mirror in the bathroom
For the just “in case’s”
But do you ever wonder, that band-aid’s might need band aid’s too?
As much of an honor it is to be one- we all need one
To be there
To kiss and make things all better
To receive love that they don’t have to ask for
To be held without having to instruct on how to hold
We, the band-aid’s
We do not need to be told
We identify pain
We offer support
We do not wait
_________________________________________
Can you imagine how much pain, and breaking and ripping and tearing
Shedding and molding and failing that it took for that band aid to even become?
How many times did the adhesive fall off
How many times did the water wash us away
The band aid is a blend of all the things people wish they could be
Society holds band-aids in the highest of esteem
But much like public school teachers
so few ever choose to remain
Because it is a thankless position
You are celebrated for being there, because the need is endless
Things get really tough a lot
and it is the band aid that does the hard work
The ugly work
The heavy lifting
But all cuts
Both in the deep and in the shallow-all heal in time
They all stop bleeding, eventually
And for a few moments, that band aid mends anything that may have tried to break you
It quite literally supports you so fiercely that it helps you to piece yourself back together
But what happens to the band aid?
It gets dirty
It gets soggy
It gets old
And then it gets discarded
Often before the cut even fully heals it gets replaced
__________________________________________________________
I am the band aid
I have always been the band-aid
It costs me nothing to love you
I find it easy to be there for you
I neither gain nor lose anything I have within me by doing so
I am a giver.
In this life, it is important to identify what it is you practice
Because you get really good at anything you practice
As a band aid, I practice giving and gratitude
I practice unconditional love
Whether that love is reciprocal or not, it is what I practice
And I practice for free.
So that I can give for free.
I believe that you get what you give
I want unconditional love
It is all I have ever wanted
I practice vulnerability
It is all I have every wanted
I practice empathy
It is all I have ever wanted
I practice transparency
It is all I have ever wanted
I practice honesty
It is all I have every wanted
And most of all I practice joy

It is everything.

I am committed to healing myself
My nurturing and healing qualities allow me to be there
And I neither gain nor lose anything I have within me by doing so
Anyone that I love and believe in, it is easy to love you
It is easy math for me to be there
I manifested the person I want to be

And I know that I will receive everything I need and deserve, eventually

Dialing: The Golden Birthday

I am a story teller. Because i believe that we all have a story worthy of being told. To be here still, after all these years, is a miracle. I’m very blessed. I’m very thankful. Life is so so precious. And our time here is fleeting. I choose to enjoy every moment. I choose to cherish everyone I hold near to me. I choose to not live in fear. I choose to lead with love. I choose to only be surrounded by love. I choose to forgive. I choose to keep learning. Keep growing. I choose. And we are all a reflection of our choices. This year proved to me that my growth and strength have really increased. The storm always comes, but my ability to adapt- I must say. I impress myself. I’ve recovered from things that just a few years ago would have completely debilitated me. For that, I’m grateful. So anyways, I reflect on a daily basis but especially on my birthday. It’s an opportunity for new life and better things. I wish myself more of the good things. More discernment with how I spend my time and with who. I wish myself more discipline to achieve more goals. More travels! More memories with my loves. I wish myself even more peace of mind. Kindness to my reflection. Less “sorry’s” for being who I am. More appreciation of my life’s challenges. More wisdom to navigate the ups and downs. And most importantly a deeper acceptance of the fact that i am so deserving of joy, love and compassion from myself and from others.

I’m so blessed to see the day I turned 28 on the 28th on a Sunday. The symmetry and significance is too important. Who would’ve thought.