Author Archives: ShetheRoses

About ShetheRoses

Creative writings made with the intentions of spreading love, light and hope.

Life’s Nutrients

There I sat in a skyblue pencil skirt paired with a yellow top I once wore to dress up like that Arthur meme. Starry eyed. Enamored by the opportunity I have each time I visit my uncle and am able to witness what friendship looks like. In real time. A friend might be one of the rarest things to come across in earth. It requires an intentional effort. A real decision to be there for one another unbound by space and time. I sat there listening for hours to my uncle, one of the greatest storytellers I’ve ever known. And for hours my father laughed and corroborated these stories. We discussed many things and I continued to bounce my eyes from my uncle to my father and back again. Effortless. This relationship is deeply rooted. The synchronization of their spirits is one like I’ve never seen before. I can never help but to be in awe.

            The main topic of discussion was nutrients. Nutrients are needed in order to sustain growth and a good quality of life. They are natural and can be found in foods. Many foods of which seem hard to find at your local supermarket these days; nonetheless, necessary. My uncle showed us the early springing fruit in his garden that he has tendered and gardened with love over many seasons. He talked us through each fruit and it’s story. Alternating between Twi and English but we still all laughed in the same language. This conversation was vastly informative; I learned so much about how to improve my own health and make better healthy choices in order to live a happier and healthier lifestyle. The stories that were woven in to give context and background to nutrient rich fruits like the goji berry, allowed my imagination to soar. I was blown away by the amount of information that was transported to me with such ease and humor. This moment I began to hold onto like it was my birthday, hoping it’d never end.

We came back inside to talk more. And as I was sitting at my uncle’s table drinking coffee spiked with vanilla and caramel creamer, I began to wonder about life’s nutrients. The metaphorical value of nutrients. What aspects of this life are required to sustain growth and a good quality of life? What do we need? Who do we need? In my 24 years of life I’ve learned that I don’t need a lot to be happy. In fact I’m the unhealthiest when I use things in the exterior to fill my insides. To increase or enhance my mood. But as the naturalista that I truly am, I love and respect nature. I believe in nature. When I am out in nature for a walk or just to breathe in air, to greet the sunrise or admire the moon, I’ve found my spirits are higher. So now I’m determined to intake more of life’s nutrients in order to be happier. I’m elevating to a new level that does not require engaging in toxic relationships, or relying on drugs or alcohol as a requirement for happy. Happiness comes from within. And it comes from what you put in. I’m most happy when I’m doing things that I love, unworried about things that may be out of my control. Completely submerged in the present but still keeping my dreams surrounding a better future. I’ve learned that I tend to isolate but that in life we do need each other. We need people to laugh, cry, dance, play, sing, study, share and Be with. We do. No man is an island. There is a reason and a value for every person who enters and even exits your life. What makes the difference between the people who pass through and those who stay is the love. Love is a decision. A constant. And in any friendship you have to consistently make the decision to choose one another. Much like my father and my uncle. They have chosen to keep in contact. They know each other so well that they know what works for them. I want that. I have been wanting and working and building and failing and trying to rebuild again and again to eventually have friendships like that.

Which leads me to one of the most important relationships with the richest source of nutrients that I know: God. Aligning myself with God in a way that I spend time in an organic and genuine way with Him is crucial to my health. I feel better internally and externally. It is difficult to do almost anything without hope and having a relationship with God gives me that. My father and Uncle each have a strong faith and relationship with God. Independently and yet also together. They pray for one another and also with. They have devoted themselves to living the work of the Gospel and that is why it’s not surprising that they have been able to align themselves with one another in a way that is heartfelt and real. They are like-minded and like hearted individuals. Since I was a small child, I was exposed to a friendship between my uncle and father where they would do anything for each other. It engrained in me a true respect for a friend. And now I know friendship in all of its rarity is a requirement for happy in this life. This is why I am constantly striving to be a better friend and am able to recognize how blessed I am to be able to call even one person-Friend. We all need more of life’s nutrients and we may need more of some than others but constantly evaluate your level of happy. And be sure to recharge on all of the good things so that mind, body and spirit you are able to stay healthy and keep happy.

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CHEMS

All of these chems

Blue blood pumping

infiltrating my system

A doctor twisting my intuition

Unbearable

Bordering miserable

How can I go on like this?

Life is locked inside these bottles

Inside these tablets

Inside of these capsules that are sweltering

With the illusion of happy

These bottles they twist and we still pop too

Because the desperation is real

we dangle on the edge of sanity the moment we wake from soiled sheets

Sheets we swam in to escape our forced Goodmornings but that we still cling to our almost lovers or their absence thereof

Fearful of these never ending nights

Can’t rest

Can’t eat

And we don’t protest this cycle

Cause we settle for whatever chems they decide is best

Cant seem to find, but we know it’s the nutrients that were missing

For now, we bury the costs

And still wonder,

What will we have left?

The Anniversary Vows

Bishop: Akosua Renee Bamfo, will you have, This Black Man, to be your wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony; will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only for him so long as you both shall live?

 

Akosua: I do.

I love you.

The moment I laid eyes on you I knew I wanted to know you. In fact the first person I told was a mutual friend of ours. I asked her “Who is that?!” and she said it’s just You. From the beginning, there was always a powerful energy. A feeling like we needed to speak. We needed to share vibes. We needed to share something. I found myself wanting to expose parts of myself to you without having known you in real life at all at that point.

This is how I know, I do.

I do for you, not because we have committed our hearts this far. But I do, because I did the moment I met you. The moment I blushed behind bronze cheeks to introduce myself and you forgot my name and we can’t even remember the event where we first met eyes. I knew this was something special. This is something worth fighting for. Love, sitting up for hours under the moon, watching nature unfold behind us as we shared our passions amidst a playlist I curated is my favorite memory. It’s the one I hold the closest to my heart because it is the rawest. Raw in the sense that we were both just two kids. Two kids eager to be around each other. For no other reason than that we were curious. I was curious about you for a while. Silently I grew closer to you and I looked forward to your simple yet profound messages.

What we have managed to create and somehow sustain is a love I never imagined could exists. There has never even been a movie made to depict a love this great. This is the love I was always unsure if I would ever experience. And I know it to be love because it feels as important as breathing but as complicated as being. It feels good to know I have someone in my life that gets my purpose, sense of humor and also my sense of sadness. We might be the most depressing people I have ever encountered and yet we’re full of joy. You spread it and I spread it and I know this because I see how people look at you. And I feel how people look at me. The vibrations are similar. And I’d just like to say I never anticipated it being this easy to look this good on the most beautiful day with animals running around outside. The sun’s setting. And I’m standing in front of my best friend who is looking ultra fly, I must say.

I couldn’t imagine what it’d feel like to say, let alone write, these words. Words are important to you too, so I wrote these for you. Because I know you know they are imagined for you. Love, it is always fleeting and yet we are always here. Near or far, I will be running with you. We will be running and sliding and dancing and cha-chaing or swag-surfing or doing whatever it is we need to do to survive here. And it will be beautiful. because we will be going through life together. We will be experiencing what it feels like to move with the wind and also get knocked down by it, together.

In typical Sua fashion, or should I say style, I’m having a hard time ending this. Not because I don’t have the words, but because there is no full stop at the end of one of my “I love you’s” so I guess I’ll leave it just like that; I love you

ADHD

I never knew they had a Word for this

 

I have only known what it feels like to lose. To have everything I have ever loved taken from me. And this pain felt like the sensation that hood niggas talk shit to other niggas about and swap tattoo stories with but only with their real Niggas so they can share the artistic symbolism behind the sheer grace that covers them and the prideful protection that reminds them that even though “it says in the Bible not to get tattoos or piercings” every day I’m a survivor *destinys child voice*…..nigga.

(and only real Niggas could feel how Crazy this shit right here really is Son!!!)

And then they laugh about it later.

But I am not finding anything about this funny.

And people who know me tell me I just lost my laugh. why so serious, love?

And I already know it’s cause I Know they know I be sitting up in my room all night playing that little violin like I’m spongebob harmonizing freestyles to my Nigga cole’s “Too Deep for the Intro”

I know.

BUT

Is this not factual? Because they really are.

They are Survivors, who have met Death and knocked that nigga tf out.

And came back joyfully hollering “aaaaaayooooo!” All the way back up the same block they got shot on to encourage the rest of us niggas who They knew atleast One of us niggas would be there any time of the Day. But we didn’t even notice them walking up because our eyes be low and last we heard they was still hooked up in the hospital cause they mama still crying on the floor hugging her heart into the doctors leg. Knowing she can’t afford it, but still willing to beg like the dog They already see Her as

Just so they don’t.

don’t turn

Them

off.

And, us niggas cold out here blowing white air into our rubbing palms. And taking turns between that and keeping our hands in our pants but we Had to step out real quick cause if we thought about it too long we would cry and Real niggas can’t cry outside, so we just focused on the thought that we were already sure of:

He was definitely dead.

Now, I’ve never been shot before.

But this pain felt like that. Like those stories I’ve heard from niggas I’ve Known who share about that burning of a bullet that is stuck in the muscle that even takes doctors and specialists a long time to dislodge

I have felt this same physical pain niggas respect where I’m From but only, it was in my mind.

still I felt This:

every

single

time.

I labeled myself abandoned. I am the other bright little yellow glove that is never recovered in the brown little bin they keep hidden somewhere in the front office of most public schools. The Ones where They Have to rip sheets of White Printing Paper and use Tape and the Nearest Ink Pens they could Find to hurry and label and tape on it and write in chicken scratch to be Inclusive of Everyone so they can all Know this is where the school’s:

“lost and found” is.

So I never understood why people told me to suck it up:

Just pray. I’ll pray for you. Just get up. See somebody. We all got shit to do. We all got a story. I’m going through real shit right now too. You loved Solange album but still ain’t realize you can just Smoke it awaaay? Stop crying. Stop being a baby.

cry baby.

CRY Baby!

                                                    Nana-Nana-boO BOOM!

 *covers Eyes instantly to catch and Keep the Only things I have Left to call Mine so they can’t see It and steal it*

And also to say a quick Prayer to the baby named Jeezus that I learned about Last Sunday at Evangiless Cathedriul Academy Sunday School that was in the Gym of some School.

Cause They Taught me this Song that Taught me about another Kid only a lil bit younger than me Who uhm they said he loves all the kids in the whole wide world and i know i’m 6 now but i think I’m kinna a kid right? or i forgot. but i’m in the middle. cause Chocolate is the baby. and Tink is taller than me. but they told me he Loves me SO Much that He said if I Believe in Him then I Can Never Die.

*finally starting the prayer, clears throat*

UNKNOWN CALL:

*whispers through sniffles*

hi…may I ask who’s speaking?

(oh! Dory moment. I’m the one who called facepalm emoji)

baby..uh…Jeezus? uhm yeah so my Name is u-u-Ah-koo-oo… uhm its hmm Akoo.soo.wah Renny uhm BAMfour but like I mean everybody calls me swa and I like that better so you Can. Call. Me. That. too… so uhm anyways, u-hm someone told me I could call you because uhm like yeah my daddy gave me this name it uhm it means something in African cause oh yeah I forgot to tell you my my daddy is from like Africa. And its a small place but its reaaaaally far away and I cant uhm remember what its called but uhm I can tell you when I ask Miz. Penland when she come gets me on monday. And I think we did just learn sumn about how Africas got to ride a boat sooo far away just to come here and the bad white people hurt them but now theyre happy again and they wear this uhm yellow color African color uhm clothes thingy uhm now I think I remem-mber. Uhm and they can yeah uhm be free now so uhm now nobody can hurt my daddy anymore because uhm my daddy was one of them. Too so now like he lives in our uhm new big house we moved to. And its sooo much fun here! Uhm but uhm and uhm OH! its me and my sisters and my Big brother. he always the only One who allways tell me I’m his favrit. and im not sure where my mommie is right now but she promised shes coming right back. So uhm yeah we live here uhm. And uhm I was born here but uhm. Its kind of like uhm I cant really speak right now uhm

but I just

but I just

but I just

wanted you to know about my name cause my daddy told me about it means something uhm about the day I was born I think and I cant remember which day that is yet even tho I just learned uhm the days of the week song in Miz. Penland’s Class that we get to sing allll together every morning! but uhm I think like uhm idk…but uhm just please uhm like uh baby Jeezuss uhm like can you like maybe kinna uhm like ….maybe uhm may you please, please, pretty please just change your mind and hurry and let me die?

So…maybe I can come play with you instead… sometimes…uhm if You want?

Pause

cuz my daddy can call your daddy and maybe we can get allowed to go to da park. we can walk to the one by my house? if you want? cause big kids be there too like my sister Tink-Tink so we can like be safe even at dark. I mean uhh its okay if you can’t. I’m just trying hard not to believe in you since you probably live far away from me and I cant ask my daddy to take me. Cause uhm. So you can just do that please cause uhm Cause I mean like the pretty white Ladies at the church uhm I know its in the gym at dat school but uhm my daddy told me uhm it Is still uhm like a real Church. So uhm like They told me you were um like uhm really nice so yeah. I was just calling to say Hey. And like if you get a chance im just wondering if you could uhm like give me a call back please? uhm or uhm I mean i don’t know anybodys number by heart but my daddys and I kinna don’t know if I can sneak his phone because he doesn’t like to leave it in his coat pocket anymore I think or I haven’t seen it there uhm. uhm but yeah cause hes always at work all night and I keep falling asleep too early to see him but sometimes I do hear him walking and then I pretend to be sleep cuz uhm im scared he might yell at me because I was supposed to go to sleep already. But we was outside playing at the park wit the other kinds around are way and uhm so uhm like idk when I can see him to ask him to use his phone and uhm he might be tired so I cant ask uhm so….if you can just uhm. Make it just quiet again uhm. It would be Appree she ate it.

Thank you uhm for your uhh, thank you uhm, for your uhh, for your tim!

Thank you for your tim.

Have A Good Day.

 

Bye-Bye.

My Black Diary

One of my soulmates posted this beautiful photo of herself today and it triggered me to have a jimmy neutron type brain blast! I even went to finally get my cracked phone screen fixed because of this.

I am constantly thinking of new ways to be creative and express the love that I have in my heart. I love Black History Month because it is the one time where blackness is celebrated outwardly. In what spaces…to what degree…and how genuine are all questionable. And the fact that we as a nation minimize the value of an entire people to a single month is unbelievable. I know.

However, my critique of Black History Month is different. I’m looking through a different lens this year. I feel that Black History Month is a lot of the times so depersonalized. It focuses completely on the outliers. There is a separation between who is chosen to represent an entire people and the everyday black person. The typically over-romanticized but incredibly important figures that we all know and respect so much for all they’ve done…the amount of change they provoked should not be minimized and they should be recognized for this regularly.

But I’m seeking a deeper level of representation. I’m seeking balance.

We all are valuable as black people. And we are magical. Everyday bruh. Our blackness stretches so far and wide. I believe that our family members. our friends. They have done for us internally, what grand historically black figures have done for the country and our race as a whole.

So like I said, I saw this photo of this black woman, my friend, and I decided to challenge myself to create this screen saver/haiku challenge. I’ve been working on disciplining myself and working on committing to things and being held accountable to complete what I say I want to achieve. So this will help with that (encouragement is welcome)! Also I truly believe that the essence and work and passions of all the people I will be posting daily will make a huge impact on the world.

In some shape or form these people will shake this earth. And of this I am certain. I do not know how they will, but they will. And my rationale behind this is not solely because they are friends and family of mine who I know and love personally. Or because they all have impacted my life.

But it feels pretty appropriate for a month dedicated to Black People and Love.

So I’m challenging myself to be as objective and succinct as possible in order to capture their importance in this world as black men and women. As leaders. And as change makers. I’m trying to describe them how I feel the world should remember them. And as much as I want people to just believe in them like I believe in them off the strength of the fact that I love them.

I want their being, to speak for itself.

And I will reflect on the entire series by the end of the month-ish on heavens hotlines (I know I pump faked on the last series but that one needs time to evolve so it’s on pause). Anyways, yeah it’s important for me to reflect because this is about them but it’s also specifically about me. It’s about me thinking about me through thinking about them. I know that might not seem to make sense. I know. Super meta.

Here goes.

(Follow series on IG: shetheroses)

The Collateral Beauty in the Synonymity of Love

The harmonic sounds of steady rain, meshed with a hailstorm, blizzard and wind dancing on a window surround me. It’s half past midnight, and I can’t seem to calm these thoughts. I had pretty intense conversations tonight. Tough conversations. Vulnerable conversations. These conversations among a few other experiences have inspired me to work on this new series, ‘The Collateral Beauty in the Synonymity of Love.’

“Dear Love, I God you” has always been one of my favorite play on words and witty use of synonyms. “Love” and “God” are synonymous. Because God is Love. But is all Love God? Love is more than a feeling or a choice, it is an action or a decision. It also has synonyms. Love is synonymous. Though synonyms can essentially be used interchangeably, they always mean something slightly different. For instance, a synonym for “mad” could be angry, infuriated, enraged etc. We interpret these words as virtually the same, however, I want to highlight how they all explore different degrees of the same emotion.

That is my intention behind this series. To distinguish and make sense of the synonyms for Love. Love is synonymous and there are different degrees of Love.

Love says:

“I’m here”

“I’m in this”

“I am committed”

But it’s important for me to explore the similarities and differences in the degrees of love because I think, or know, I sometimes confuse Love. Not necessarily in regard to confusing it with lust or infatuation or romanticization. Rather, with acknowledging the degrees and being able to acknowledge and accept them for what they are. As much love as there is that lives inside of me, I’m not sure I’ve ever known or shared it with others. I’ve rarely acknowledged the degrees of Love that I have experienced. I think this because I have not taken the time or initiative to learn Love. To distinguish it or even recognize it, especially when it appears differently than I’d imagined. I hope that by writing this, I am able to understand more about giving, receiving and accepting love of all varying degrees. Instead of disqualifying the Love that I have received based on ignorance and lack of knowledge.

Overstaying My Welcome

Life is full of experiences. We find ourselves in sometimes dramatically different places and circumstances today than we were this time a year(s) ago. I wrote this compilation of thoughts that capture and document exactly this. This was a moment in time.

Overstaying My Welcome is an introspective journey of the thoughts, vibes, moods, feelings and general well-being of my trip to New Orleans, LA. A place I’d never been before. A place I had such a good time with linking with a friend. However, these are not about those memories. The writings included, document the moments following my unexpected extra stay in the city (courtesy of an abomination for an airline that won’t be mentioned).

Join me as I share these pieces of me.