Tag Archives: love

Dialing Heaven’s Hotlines: Valentine’s Day

I woke up to no alarm. The natural vibrations in my body matched by the sunlight peeking through closed curtains welcomed me to the morning. Thankful, to see another day. I slightly predicted the message about marriage to be preached at church and anticipated to feel like I stuck out like a black person in a predominantly white institution as a single. I thought I was going to feel the bitterness of lonely. And resentment and jealousy of memories of past valentines day.

However, I was pleasantly surprised. I was overwhelmed by God’s love. By the presence of his spirit. For I know love because he first loved me. So I relaxed in the pew I sat in and basked in this love. Today is a celebration of love. Of unity. Of marriage. Of oneness. I can only be happy for all those in love celebrating valentines day not as a trend or out of tradition but as a symbol and reflection of the love they have for one another.

I’m optimistic about the love I know that is waiting for me here on this earth. That is preparing itself and shaping and molding and maturing, just for me.

 

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Death to the Flesh

I died today
For much too long, I tried so hard to stay
Flirting with limbo
Until I could bend no more
I could not stretch my hands further

Running at super sonic speed one day I crashed into my father

I found him when I went wandering
Through the meadows of nature
And it hit me that this was painted by his brush and
All the bumping and jiving
The sneaking, the lying
The sex and reckless driving
The tree and long islands
Could not compare to the feeling of freedom I got that day when I lift my eyes up

Fresh water streaked down my cheeks
And collected into a puddle reflecting my whole life
Mirroring the emptiness
The bitter loneliness that all along I’d tried to hide back when
I was driven by my passion and desire
To feel loved
Feel happy
Feel wanted
Feel something

But the good news is that I let it all go
And I died today
And the world could go up in flames
And I wouldn’t batt a lash
Because of the many they put on His back
I’m free and forever an heir
And there’s no chance of me turning to salt
Cause there’s no looking back from here

Free Falling

I find myself wandering about

fading in and out of daydreams

snippets of things imagined, things unseen

things that haven’t happened yet, things between you and me

 

And I wonder for a split second could this be?

Could we both be falling

for the wrong thing…

 

Yet some time ago I couldn’t feel a thing

numb to the idea of my heart pulsating for anyone

then you stormed into my life

Water-falling me into complete submission

Cascading your presence into my daily consumption

 

You remind me that the moon knows when to shine and the sun surely rises

I wake to your face and its smiling

Is this a dream?

Cause sometimes it feels like I’m flying.

 

Even if only for a second

I have to finally accept that

You are permanently ingrained in my grey matter

my eyes flicker at the hope, at the sheer potential of

A reflection of myself fading deep within your iris.

 

 

 

 

Heaven as a Hotline

So I just had a moment.

Someone sent me some really kind words about my writing and then I was thinking “woah, I have a blog called ‘Heaven’s Hotlines’…do you know what that means?”

It finally hit me why I named it that and the concept behind such a name. A hotline is a place where you go to receive short-term crisis intervention. Be it needing help through an anxiety attack or just needing to know theres someone there to talk to you. Thats what hotlines are there for. To serve as that one connection in the world who a person reaches and supports them through a tough time.

Now to think of heaven as a hotline amazes me spiritually. It is the one connection I can call to be closer to God and get advice and support about my troubles, worries or fears. Additionally to that its the where I can connect to just to talk about positive things or gratitude as well. It’s a long term service that is always available.

So how does this relate to my naming my blog this when clearly I am not heaven? Well my intentions with this blog was to serve as a virtual representation of the thoughts I have and to serve as a transcript for some of my personal calls to heavens hotlines. Like sometimes I might post like my last few inspirational/creative pieces that may not seem like a call to heavens hotline but they are. In my own way I like to write and express whats on my heart whether it be about giving and getting love in this world or unmerited favor and looking for God in the wrong spaces, I feel its all connected. We all have different and unique ways that we connect to God.

Prayer is my hotline to heaven or to God. At any moment I can dial-up a prayer in the middle of a street or in class and just open up parts of me I can’t open up to anybody else. Mostly because He loves me unconditionally. He knows me inside and out and because I trust Him with my life. It’s comforting to know that as a christian I have this open prayer line where I can communicate with God at all times and prayer definitely changes things and is very powerful. So I mean I just want to encourage myself and others like me to pray more, keep that hotline open and fluid. It will provide an ease and peace of mind and the security you need to feel in your life.

Unmerited Favor

You dance behind closed doors

with strangers and different men

under the twisted disillusionment of lust

hoping that one of them will see your soul and tell you who you are

you didnt believe him when he told you

you were chosen

and wonderfully made

you scoffed at the idea that you could be special

which is why your wrists and that blade used to struggle

“what am I doing here?”, defeated you stay in the mirror

gazing at a broken woman

with many scars

you cant fathom how shes still alive

how has she survived

you know Jesus died for you but you cant fathom why

“who am I?” so underserving you cant even see that you did nothing to earn this

he gave his life for you he wasn’t murdered

you have to believe you are someone worth fighting for

worth dying for

someone with a purpose and a voice

chin up, sweet girl

surely you are distinguished

come out from that darkness

and the bondage you live in

you have to believe that you are here for His reason

and that every part of you He knows

so vibe with him

sing a song, bust a rhyme to him

pray your heart out so loud to him

because he’s heard your cry to men

you were looking for the love of God in them

But now it’s time to embrace the love and Grace he gives

Instead of Bringing Flowers, Be the Roses

We’re like the rose
Elegant with beautiful imperfections
Though highly respected
sometimes are neglected
When those petals shrivel into a dark crisp
And it’s life has seemingly been ended

But you see the rose and how it grows
Only lord knows how long it will have it’s life
It buds as a small flower and blooms into a majestic work of art
Praised and worshipped by men
Used to sweep them off their feet and woo women
but when they dry and shrivel up are trashed into a bin

What if we cherished a dark midnight rose
With dark stiff petals that are perceived to be dead?
What if we accepted that a rose is still a rose and a beautiful symbol for how we in our own lives too will grow?
Stunning and bold, full of color and life but one day our ripest of petals will soon fall off.
The rose is but a symbol of our hearts.
Not a measure of how we live and die in this life.

We are the roses.
For surely it is roses that grow from the depths of our hearts and reflect the love from which our souls shine.
And when those roses are in their prime be sure to share them and spread them all over.
There’s a flicker of light in the eyes of the reciever. They will be delighted and smitten by this grand gesture. A rose can make them a believer.

Be the roses.
Be that symbol of love and appreciation that you hope to fill the hearts of others.
Be the roses.
And one day you too shall recieve your own.
Be the roses.
Cause roses don’t die.

The Hopeless Romantic

This person is in love with love.They believe in fairy tales and love.They’re not to be confused as stalkers or creepy because that’s not what a hopeless romantic is. All hopeless romantics are idealists,the sentimental dreamers,the imaginative and the fanciful when you get to know them.They often live with rose colored glasses on.They make lovelook like an art form with all the romantic things they do for their special someone. 

I always thought I was a hopeless romantic. Hopeless in the sense that the love I imagined I should have will never exist. But I was wrong. I’m a hopeful romantic. I’m in love with love and like Kendrick said “I love so much, I love when love hurts.” This is because I have so much love inside of me. I used to say I was just a “sucker for love” but no. love is a sucker for me. I’m by nature just a very loving person and my heart is very big I just want to spread love all around. Romantic or otherwise. So I have to be hopeful that there’s someone out there who can receive that. I am pretty much this definition but I think it hints at this idea of lack of reality. People think you’re a hopeless romantic because you are not realistic about the kind of love you deserve or can obtain hence the “rose-colored glasses.” But let’s be real. I know everything isn’t rosy. But you can have whatever you want in this world if you can think it. If you have faith and believe it. So I believe I can have it. I’m very realistic about what the reality of my love life is.

SO yeah lol this was a pretty random post but I just felt like saying I think people should stop being negative and calling themselves hopeless romantics simply because they have bigger ideas for the kind of love they want. Why would you settle for a complacent dull commitment when you could have passionate and complex depth with another person? It’s that depth and that passion that I long for and the truth is it’s hard to find but like Adele said “He’d be hard to chase but good to catch” so I keep hope alive. 

What’s keeping you Alive?

I was talking with a friend and she had some really kind things to say about me as we were having an hour-long heart to heart. She’s always encouraging me to use my vulnerability as a strength and to express myself. She said:

“You’re special. Like the energizer bunny who never gets tired but even when you are tired you’re still lively…You have this stamina this endurance that people need to know about. You are literally unbreakable… what’s keeping you alive?”
And I thought this question was quite profound. She went on to mention about my going through a lot of what I’d been through and still remaining hopeful and hungry to be alive. And now that I think about it it’s only God. It’s only my faith that keeps me going. And my unwavering belief that he has a plan for my life and it is good. To be able to trust in something full-heartedly and to believe that everything happens for His reason is comforting to me and is what keeps me going when things start to get tough.

So I wrote this poem called “I’m Alive” as sort of a response to her question and the way that I view my life.

Brand New

I have a song that I sing sometimes when I worship and it varies each time I sing it but one line that I always sing is that “You make me brand new; you do. time and time again its always you.” And today I’m feeling brand new. anew. renewed. Life in this world can become so consuming and it’s so easy to starve yourself spiritually and get caught up in the things you have to do such as school and work etc. Well I’ve had the unique privilege of having a lot more time to dedicate to my spirituality. the perception of my life right now may be that i’m going through a storm as I am 3 classes away from graduating however had to take a semester off due to financial reasons. And while sometimes when thinking about this I become incredibly frustrated and often times upset. I do not worry. I do not worry because I trust in God and I know he has a plan for my life. And today I have been made brand new. I have a brand new attitude, brand new smile and perspective. because I’m comforted by this. See, in the beginning when I was having these problems I was running to people to help me figure it out, though I prayed and even fasted in regard to this issue. I still did not give it all to God and trust that hes got it figured out.

I can’t even begin to express how I’ve found my peace of mind through this storm in my life. John 16:33 says, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer I have overcome the world.” And I know for me this verse was really comforting and made a lot of sense. There’s no person who can find the solutions to my problems like He can so why would I put my trusts and hope in men? It’s incredibly foolish. Because people will always disappoint you but He never will.

The whole worrying about nothing, praying about all things has been therapeutic for me. It’s like I can’t carry these burdens in my life but my savior can so I trust Him to figure things out. And I know He will always do so in my favor. It feels good to be made to feel brand new. And to feel hopeful and optimistic about your future. Just keep praying and feed your soul by remaining faithful and thankful for all you have and all He’s done in your life.

The Conquering Lion

I fell on bended knees
weeping with hurt and sadness all around me
all the bad, darkness and the heartbreaks of yesterday’s consuming my mental
Father, I can’t even look you in your eyes
my shame and guilt have led me blind
But with my head hanging down I cling to your feet
Because you’re the only good thing that I know
The only one to whom I can go
But why do I allow these people to hurt me so?
Queen, get up.
My daughter go spend time with me
laugh and sing and talk freely
For it’s only I who can interpret that song your heart sings
Only I can heal that pain he brings
So rise.
And look at me with those beautiful brown eyes
And that brilliant sparkling smile
And go on with your life
You are so much more than this
I planned more for you than to just exist
Trust in me and you’ll be free
And I promise that in my love,
you will truly find peace
So stand strong
For I am the foundation you are built on.
Every time you stumble, or choke on the sin-filled air of this world; I will breathe you back to life.
Daughter, you have to know that,
Your beautiful soul is worth dying
So be still and stop all your crying.
For indeed you know who I am.
The Conquering Lion.