Category Archives: Heavens Hotlines

True Life: Saturday mornings

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Silence greets me
Ginger heard my eyelashes applaud the ceiling
Her new bell jingling her way to get a morning head rub
Reoccurring dreams as 6am turns into 8 am  
In and out of naps
And so forth

The dim light caresses me
Spread out under thick covers
Head submerged under soft light blockers
And the birds sing eventually
I dreamt of ghana
The silence keeps me
There is no rush
No alarms
No love to wake me up
Still
I welcome it

The record player is next
Saturday morning cleaning
Nostalgic tradition

The day lies ahead

Sweeping In The Room

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let it out
wailing really
snot flowing as you release deep tears
cry out loud 
let it out
let it go
there’s a reason for how things flow
there is also a calling
a calling for me
a calling for you 
a calling for more 
but what is surrounding you?
why can’t you move on?
holding on to the pain
the same pain that was supposed to teach 
you how to feel again
the pain that woke you up to the reality of who you are
of where you are
the pain that consumes and convinces you 
that you don’t belong here
and you have nothing of value
did you forget who’s you are?
that defeating mindset 
didn’t you know that that pain was supposed to change you?
Something is shifting
Change is coming
you are set apart
you can’t be where everybody be
do what everybody do
eat what everybody eat 
and move how everybody move
instead 
you are a vessel
you will be used
you can be new
there is a message
deep within you God has been nearing
he has been molding 
twisting and turning
brewing and stewing in you 
don’t act like you don’t feel it too 
for every time that you were rejected
disrespected
taken advantage of…
He’s been right there, all along
why can’t you accept Him?
let everything else go
let it go
let his presence fill your room
and his healing sweep it clean
all those things you’ve been used to
the things you lean on
the habits you know don’t serve you
can’t serve you
won’t you let it go?
wont you try something new?
won’t you free yourself
from Him is where you’ll find your help
If only you’d open up your eyes
why won’t you take the time to understand the signs
Discern the way that you move in this world
There is a frequency beyond 
So get ready
Be prepared 
sharpen your spirits eye
and let God

Thirty Roses

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It’s been 30 years
but way more than 30 moments
heavens blessings
and twisted rollercoasters
the person you see before you
actually needs an introduction
because whether u remember me as
shy little sua wit the swoop and side ponytails
or maybe super cool swizzle sua wit the converse with the bows at the end
The “is this the same Sua that got crazy-stupid-thick outta no where?”
Or the “Akooswah” who later learned how to pronounce her own name
the loud laughing
Kanye loving
Pepsi drinking
Big red gum chewing
Anime watching
Forever tweeting
Sensitive lover girl
This is your first time meeting me
30 years of journey
Encounters with death
Plenty concoctions of meds
One too many unstable relationships with men
And yet the one person who prided herself on friends
See I planted a home in each of you
So that no matter where you went in the world
I always had a piece of you
But it has been 30 years yall
30 GoodMorning beautifuls
30 haikus
30 wrong turns
30 txts saying “just thinking of you”
30 crippling fears
way more than 30 tears
30 hours spent teaching me that I was the one behind the steering wheel
Wisdoms you only learn by the cruel hand of this world
Dark dark days
Slow walks
Time forever fleeting
There were times I wished my heart would really just stop beating
Imagine that
Bright white smiling
Always dancing
Always joking
Always grateful for life but
There took a death of my ego, for me to survive this
A breaking of my state of mind
Strapped to a bed and going a month without seeing outside
The woman standing before you
Maybe you call her many names
Call her Su or swizzle, she hates “sway”
Wannie Monnie, Coslaw maybe just “the roses”
AB could be a thing if Sua would get out the way
Or maybe you are my family, you call me Akos reminding me of home
You call me sister, you call me babe, you call me friend
Maybe you have many memories from back in the day
Maybe our connection has seen waves
This person, I’ve witness her grow every day
And her heart, my heart it sings this same song
A smooth rhythm with the soul of the color blue
Or is it mahogany
Either way,
God really called on me
I found myself kicking and screaming in his arms
waving my hands frantically at the ocean of life
I thought I was drowning
My feet couldn’t touch the ground
And I couldn’t taste the difference in the salt of life’s water and the salt in the tears in my eyes
I was going blind!
But I wasn’t drowning
I wasn’t falling
God was baby rocking me, walking me closer to shore
All along and
I felt like I just wasted so much time
30 drinks too many
30 drunken nights
30 hot boxes
more than 30 goodbyes
Instead these were the lessons
Life’s mathematics
Curating me
So, I say all of this to say
Hi, my name is Akosua Renee Bamfo
And I Thank you
Thank you for being a love in my life
for witnessing my 30 moon phases
for 30 laughing sessions
more than 30 FaceTimes
30 deep depressions
30 of them real ugly cries
30 long flights
30 deep breaths
30 “just come over’s”
30 and still alive
God crossed our paths for a reason
And I’m so blessed to know you through all these seasons
Im a walking talking miracle
I look in the mirror and see a living vessel
here for the spreading
A narrative
A testimony
An anchor
To the story of the God who created me
And the light and love you feel in me
Remember is just a reflection of Him

Here’s to thirty Roses.

The Life of The Band-Aid

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Recently, I have been showered in words of affirmation
As if I’m a magical being, from a magical space
People have poured out beautiful words
that have completely elevated my appreciation for who I am
I have been told anything between “you have a beautiful mind” to “I wish I had a you”
This has touched me, deeply
Not in a “this is new to me” sort of way more so a “you see me”
-Sort of way
It is easy to feel invisible when you feel that your life’s purpose is to help others
Be there
Aid others
And it seems that when they see you all they tend to see you for is how you can help
________________________________________________
This is the life of a band-aid
A natural supporter of anything good and everything they love
We are the band aid’s
The ones who show up
The ones who spend countless of unaccounted hours holding on
Pouring
And listening
Always listening
We are the band aid’s
the one’s you keep behind your mirror in the bathroom
For the just “in case’s”
But do you ever wonder, that band-aid’s might need band aid’s too?
As much of an honor it is to be one- we all need one
To be there
To kiss and make things all better
To receive love that they don’t have to ask for
To be held without having to instruct on how to hold
We, the band-aid’s
We do not need to be told
We identify pain
We offer support
We do not wait
_________________________________________
Can you imagine how much pain, and breaking and ripping and tearing
Shedding and molding and failing that it took for that band aid to even become?
How many times did the adhesive fall off
How many times did the water wash us away
The band aid is a blend of all the things people wish they could be
Society holds band-aids in the highest of esteem
But much like public school teachers
so few ever choose to remain
Because it is a thankless position
You are celebrated for being there, because the need is endless
Things get really tough a lot
and it is the band aid that does the hard work
The ugly work
The heavy lifting
But all cuts
Both in the deep and in the shallow-all heal in time
They all stop bleeding, eventually
And for a few moments, that band aid mends anything that may have tried to break you
It quite literally supports you so fiercely that it helps you to piece yourself back together
But what happens to the band aid?
It gets dirty
It gets soggy
It gets old
And then it gets discarded
Often before the cut even fully heals it gets replaced
__________________________________________________________
I am the band aid
I have always been the band-aid
It costs me nothing to love you
I find it easy to be there for you
I neither gain nor lose anything I have within me by doing so
I am a giver.
In this life, it is important to identify what it is you practice
Because you get really good at anything you practice
As a band aid, I practice giving and gratitude
I practice unconditional love
Whether that love is reciprocal or not, it is what I practice
And I practice for free.
So that I can give for free.
I believe that you get what you give
I want unconditional love
It is all I have ever wanted
I practice vulnerability
It is all I have every wanted
I practice empathy
It is all I have ever wanted
I practice transparency
It is all I have ever wanted
I practice honesty
It is all I have every wanted
And most of all I practice joy

It is everything.

I am committed to healing myself
My nurturing and healing qualities allow me to be there
And I neither gain nor lose anything I have within me by doing so
Anyone that I love and believe in, it is easy to love you
It is easy math for me to be there
I manifested the person I want to be

And I know that I will receive everything I need and deserve, eventually

Dialing: The Golden Birthday

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I am a story teller. Because i believe that we all have a story worthy of being told. To be here still, after all these years, is a miracle. I’m very blessed. I’m very thankful. Life is so so precious. And our time here is fleeting. I choose to enjoy every moment. I choose to cherish everyone I hold near to me. I choose to not live in fear. I choose to lead with love. I choose to only be surrounded by love. I choose to forgive. I choose to keep learning. Keep growing. I choose. And we are all a reflection of our choices. This year proved to me that my growth and strength have really increased. The storm always comes, but my ability to adapt- I must say. I impress myself. I’ve recovered from things that just a few years ago would have completely debilitated me. For that, I’m grateful. So anyways, I reflect on a daily basis but especially on my birthday. It’s an opportunity for new life and better things. I wish myself more of the good things. More discernment with how I spend my time and with who. I wish myself more discipline to achieve more goals. More travels! More memories with my loves. I wish myself even more peace of mind. Kindness to my reflection. Less “sorry’s” for being who I am. More appreciation of my life’s challenges. More wisdom to navigate the ups and downs. And most importantly a deeper acceptance of the fact that i am so deserving of joy, love and compassion from myself and from others.

I’m so blessed to see the day I turned 28 on the 28th on a Sunday. The symmetry and significance is too important. Who would’ve thought.

Heaven’s Hotlines: Summer 2020

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The masses frantically buying toilet paper clorox is scarce. hand sanitizer is even more rare.
everywhere there are masks, hiding my favorite feature
on every channel, every story, every tweet
an affirmation:
black lives matter
And it’s true
changing my fb profile picture to the same black square I protested with in 2014 reminds me
I’ve been here before
a whole lot of heartache, headaches now too
and i just long for outside
the release of the mask from behind my ears
makes me wish for a space to feel full again
I’ve been blowing bubbles
I’ve been reading
I’ve been cooking
And sometimes not eating
I’ve been walking
I’ve been teaching
I’ve been taking baths
Drinking green tea
And I’ve spent hours talking to my dad
And Netflix binging
but isn’t there more?
more than this?
Connecting from cellphones and WiFi and TV
I miss the street
I miss the ground that reminds me that I belong here
Solid and safe
my size 4.5’s walked confidently
now sometimes my ankles buckle at the thought that
this earth is cracking
crumbling into oblivion
and that I could lose the me that i’ve worked so tirelessly at creating
now I’m just looking for something to hold on to
I’d like for someone to hold on to me too
my security blanket, a harness just in case
I’ve been looking for a smile in my smile
mirroring the me I used to know but can’t see
So I’d like a pair of brand new eyes
And a new view too
Cause it took a lot to get here
A lot of building, A lot of falling
A lot of growing, A lot of trauma
A lot of consistency, A lot of pain
A lot of rising from the rubble
And yet, life’s mysteries never fail to remind me of the delicacy of my brain
rushing water over brown hands
I have a new scar there too
these hands can’t wash away the memories
A wise man said, the memories remember me
and for me-they play on a reel
they just keep going-and so I can’t keep still
i am in need of something real
something that I can feel
because the peace I need, I’ve only found in pieces
through voice notes
through facetimes
through twitter rants
and through dreaming
I remember as a child I’d play make believe
because discovering an alternate world just made it easier to breathe
I am in need
And while it’s getting harder to swallow these pills
I promised myself, “I will not neglect me”
I choose to live
and while a major shift in my relationship feels hard to forgive
I choose to love, I choose to build
In need of a little romance and maybe even a good cry
There is so much left I’d like to do here
But taking things day by day is the only way I have managed to survive
It’s been almost 100 days like this
And sometimes the sun doesn’t shine
Still- there’s light
The rain endures for days
Still- there’s water
The clarity I hope for is like driving with wipers
I can see better
And bit by bit I hope to feel better
But today is just a day. And yeah, I’m Okay. For tomorrow? There’s really no tellin