The black, curly, windshield lashes of my eyes-wiping tears away
Each and every time I drove past my uncles street for months I could never hold it in
Triggered-
Some years ago, I wrote one of my favorite pieces called “Life’s Nutrients” it was inspired by a visit to my uncles place and his showing my dad and I around his blossoming garden-full of peppers and melons. Okra and strawberries. Tomatoes and berries. He nurtured and grew in his back yard every year. He’d always share not only with us but also with his neighbors.
Every time I saw him I would always laugh, eat and enjoy good conversation. That day was one of my favorite visits to his home and there were many.
My dad always tells the story about when my siblings and I were all very young. Like babies. there was a very bad blizzard but we needed milk and diapers;
My uncle walked I think like 30 minutes each way there and back in the blizzard to get what we needed
I love this story because it’s just a snapshot memory of the essence of the sort of person he was
Last year, end of May, his life ended
In his home
A home he’s lived in for over 25 years
A home I always admired the ceilings in because they had sparkly spikes and it was mesmerizing
A home I ate so many plantain, Yam and stew in
A home my dad found shelter and safety in
On many occasions
I know what it’s like to lose
To miss someone who isn’t coming back
Last year I experienced what it felt like to lose someone so very close
Feels like just yesterday chilling in his house in his Gucci sweatshirt and sweats and slippers cracking jokes about the current president
That was the last day I saw him
I remember my uncle used to alter a lot of my clothes and for free
Always for free
He teared up and thanked me in Twi, the day I gave him a thank you card when I picked up my things
I thought it was the least I could do
He taught me so much about how important it is to be grateful
And to be a good person
One of integrity
Last year, some of my closest friends organized some time
To spend with a deeply grieving me
I was so sad
Buried in grief
So unlike myself
And they surrounded me in love
We never talked about why we were all there that day
And we didn’t need to
We danced and laughed
I still wish I had the appetite to eat all that seafood
We shared drinks
And we just plugged into the moment
That helped launch me out of the pits
And it meant a lot to me that I knew people
Who chose to spend their time on me
Time we will never get back
It’s urgent to me
To spend time
Not just physical time
minimum time
required time
obligated time
scheduled time
planned time
but intentional and quality time
with people I love
It means the most to me
Because we don’t know what will happen
in any other moment than the moment that we are in
Anything can happen
So I don’t take it for granted
Often, I reflect on my journey
journey of self love, self care, healing, growth and awareness
and sometimes I feel like the only one
The only one who can feel the changes
The only one who felt the bandages fall away
The only one who can see the scars
The only one who experienced such a great pain
The only one doing it on her own
The only one who’ll even acknowledge the progress and growth at all
Life gets really hard
Sometimes we will grow weary
But I’ve grown to keep love and only love near me
The thing about grief is that it never ends really
You just shift through cycles
It just becomes a part of you
So please excuse me when I’m in a bad mood
And I can’t quite explain it
And please, show me love even when it’s not my birthday
Cause I see things differently
If you’re important
I need you to feel special and loved
Especially by me
I thought my uncle would live forever
He survived so much already
But man, anything can happen!
And I don’t wanna die all alone
This world is so cruel
So take the time to say your grace
Take the time to hug your friends
Take the time
Until there’s no more time left
