10k hours and 10k memories

The black, curly, windshield lashes of my eyes-wiping tears away

Each and every time I drove past my uncles street for months I could never hold it in

Triggered-

Some years ago, I wrote one of my favorite pieces called “Life’s Nutrients” it was inspired by a visit to my uncles place and his showing my dad and I around his blossoming garden-full of peppers and melons. Okra and strawberries. Tomatoes and berries. He nurtured and grew in his back yard every year. He’d always share not only with us but also with his neighbors.

Every time I saw him I would always laugh, eat and enjoy good conversation. That day was one of my favorite visits to his home and there were many.

My dad always tells the story about when my siblings and I were all very young. Like babies. there was a very bad blizzard but we needed milk and diapers;

My uncle walked I think like 30 minutes each way there and back in the blizzard to get what we needed

I love this story because it’s just a snapshot memory of the essence of the sort of person he was

Last year, end of May, his life ended

In his home

A home he’s lived in for over 25 years

A home I always admired the ceilings in because they had sparkly spikes and it was mesmerizing

A home I ate so many plantain, Yam and stew in

A home my dad found shelter and safety in

On many occasions

I know what it’s like to lose

To miss someone who isn’t coming back

Last year I experienced what it felt like to lose someone so very close

Feels like just yesterday chilling in his house in his Gucci sweatshirt and sweats and slippers cracking jokes about the current president

That was the last day I saw him

I remember my uncle used to alter a lot of my clothes and for free

Always for free

He teared up and thanked me in Twi, the day I gave him a thank you card when I picked up my things

I thought it was the least I could do

He taught me so much about how important it is to be grateful

And to be a good person

One of integrity

Last year, some of my closest friends organized some time

To spend with a deeply grieving me

I was so sad

Buried in grief

So unlike myself

And they surrounded me in love

We never talked about why we were all there that day

And we didn’t need to

We danced and laughed

I still wish I had the appetite to eat all that seafood

We shared drinks

And we just plugged into the moment

That helped launch me out of the pits

And it meant a lot to me that I knew people

Who chose to spend their time on me

Time we will never get back

It’s urgent to me

To spend time

Not just physical time

minimum time

required time

obligated time

scheduled time

planned time

but intentional and quality time

with people I love

It means the most to me

Because we don’t know what will happen

in any other moment than the moment that we are in

Anything can happen

So I don’t take it for granted

Often, I reflect on my journey

journey of self love, self care, healing, growth and awareness

and sometimes I feel like the only one

The only one who can feel the changes

The only one who felt the bandages fall away

The only one who can see the scars

The only one who experienced such a great pain

The only one doing it on her own

The only one who’ll even acknowledge the progress and growth at all

Life gets really hard

Sometimes we will grow weary

But I’ve grown to keep love and only love near me

The thing about grief is that it never ends really

You just shift through cycles

It just becomes a part of you

So please excuse me when I’m in a bad mood

And I can’t quite explain it

And please, show me love even when it’s not my birthday

Cause I see things differently

If you’re important

I need you to feel special and loved

Especially by me

I thought my uncle would live forever

He survived so much already

But man, anything can happen!

And I don’t wanna die all alone

This world is so cruel

So take the time to say your grace

Take the time to hug your friends

Take the time

Until there’s no more time left

love in retrospect

hopped in the car

On a night

with no stars

Riding shot gun

Yes, me and you

Everything is closed

we gon find something to do

Look at you

I love the way

We just bust ass

in that game of uno

They all thought that we were in kahoots

Cause they knew that you were my boo boo

We stay outside

Mosquitos all in the area

But we fear no malaria

This love it will carry us

To the next seven eleven

Sippin slurpees

Brain freeze

Know your favorite is cherry but

Let me introduce you

To French kisses and hickeys

I remember the first time I met you I was scared of ya

We met on a summer day

But that look you gave me was so cold

Felt like I knew you from a different life time

Your soul was so old

The night me and your mama met

Gambino smoothly playing through the radio

I looked at you

You looked at me

I’m thinking I wanna marry ya

Cause they say ain’t nothing new under the sun

But you, you took me to the moon

And I knew you were the one

Feels good to be here

Windows fogging up

This conversation keeps weaving in and out of topics like how we were raised

To the places I wanna Rome wit ya

Seat belts won’t save us

From the cascading fate of me building a home in ya

You became my family

In that moment

You increased my stamina

Can’t imagine my life without you

The tribe yelling “can I kick it?” in the back ground

And I just remembered this playlist you made for us

The stars are out now

Through your eyes I see them glaring up

We been outside 6 hours now

Tank close to e

But I have no where to be

But to be here wit ya

Don’t ever leave me

And no matter where you go I’ll still be wit ya

Remember the night that started with no stars

Chillin in the car

With your past, present and future love

You are one of the great ones

And for me you are enough

if all my lovers were one

If all my lovers were one
we would be magic
spaceship riding shot gun
free of bad habits
I wonder about you
what are you willing to lose?
If its between me and her
It’s me, you would always choose
better days ricochet
off our vibrations
you bring me
peace
love
joy
happiness
and then some,
If only all of my lovers could be found in just one
I would be lifted
So high
Like john legend
No smoke, cause we know better
But it would be breezy
Damn, how hard it always is for you to leave me
Magnetic forces intertwine our inner beings
And even our outerbeings gravitate
So effortlessly
it’s hard not to see us
Baby, you would really be my baby
If all my lovers were one
We would never throw in the towel
We would never be “done”
We would love hard
never love alone
You would always be my only one
You’d be more than enough
If only all my lovers were one
We’d write poetry and sing our hearts out
We’d play fifa and really ball out
We’d stay up late watching movies
We’d trade books
We’d color within the lines
And watch anime until we cried
Oh how we would share fufu
How we would really get fly
We’d definitely go hiking
For you I would always write haikus
And how we’d dance all night
We’d play guitar to the rhythm of our heart beats til there was no doubt
No doubt about us
We won’t live without this
Cause now we know love
Real love
This is righteous
It lives in our eyes and soars through our kiss
If all my lovers were one
We would never miss
We would never hurt eachother with harsh words
We would never drift
No time would ever exist
It’d be pure bliss
If all of my lovers were one you would be
the one
my one
If all of my lovers could be found in just one
Love would conquer all
We would finally feel home

Heaven’s Hotlines: Standing in a Doorway

Do you believe in miracles?
I do.
I’m a walking talking, living, breathing-miracle.
If you know me you know since birth, i was not supposed to be here.
I was never supposed to be who i am today.
And you know that I have had several encounters with almost death.
I’ve experienced a lot of trauma
Still, I’m here
I smile
I laugh
I live
And that alone is a miracle
Some people never recover from the things that I have gone through
Some people have lost their smiles
But here I am, its 2019
and I find myself standing in a door way
leaving one place and entering another
excited for what lies before me
and proud of the rooms and doors I’ve walked through and closed in previous years
I was nervous about 2019
since 2013 every odd year has been a very trying and tough year for me
but i decided that ends this year
I have the power and authority to declare that this will be a good year
and I believe that it will.
So here we all are standing in our own doorways
somewhere in the grey area of our transitions into a new chapter of life
are you ready?

i have a good feeling about this.

A Midnight Rose

We’re like the rose
Elegant with beautiful imperfections
Though highly respected
sometimes are neglected
When those petals shrivel into a dark crisp
And it’s life has seemingly been ended
But you see the rose and how it grows
Only lord knows how long it will have it’s life
It buds as a small flower and blooms into a majestic work of art
Praised and worshipped by men
Used to sweep them off their feet and woo women
but when they dry and shrivel up are trashed into a bin
What if we cherished a dark midnight rose
With dark stiff petals that are perceived to be dead?
What if we accepted that a rose is still a rose and a beautiful symbol for how we in our own lives too will grow?
Stunning and bold, full of color and life but one day our ripest of petals will soon fall off.
The rose is but a symbol of our hearts.
Not a measure of how we live and die in this life.
We are the roses.
For surely it is roses that grow from the depths of our hearts and reflect the love from which our souls shine.
And when those roses are in their prime be sure to share them and spread them all over.
There’s a flicker of light in the eyes of the reciever. They will be delighted and smitten by this grand gesture. A rose can make them a believer.
Be the roses.
Be that symbol of love and appreciation that you hope to fill the hearts of others.
Be the roses.
And one day you too shall recieve your own.
Be the roses.

Cause roses don’t die.

How The Sun Met The Moon

The sun 🌤 constantly grew up in the shadow of the other 🌟’s they were so bright and full of light. Galaxies away they sparkled and the sun just didn’t know where it stood until it grew up and a shooting star 💫 whispered the question: “do you know who you are?” And he replied no 🤷🏾‍♀️ and she said: “you are the one sun that ever was”

So then the sun got in his bag and was like I got so much light in me I’m finna let it shine! And so he would come out beaming boldly for all to see ☀️ every day and all day. Until he got tired and he would just fall to sleep.

But one night he wanted to stop sleeping his nights away and see what was going on in the world when he wasn’t around. He saw the most beautiful thing he’d ever saw in his life. She was glistening over still waters and stood out from all the other stars. Most of all she looked almost just like him 🌕 she was full. He wanted to talk to her but every night he lost his nerve. She made him so nervous.

He came out and she was wearing a different outfit every time. Monday she came out as 🌔 Tuesday she was 🌓 Wednesday she was 🌘 Thursday she was 🌒 Friday she was 🌑 Saturday she was 🌕 and Sunday she was 🌙

And it was on that Sunday where it looked like she was going away that he finally found the courage to ask from so far away: “what’s your name?” And she was flattered. Couldn’t believe someone had noticed her for she’d been alone in those dark skies for centuries. She replied in a soft voice: “they call me moonlight, who are you?” 

He said: “I’m the sun. And I honestly have to cut to the chase because I’ve seen you around for a while now and I think you’re the one” ✨

She said: “you don’t even know me. Where are you from? You look like me but I’ve never seen none who could shine so bright” 

He couldn’t believe she was talking to him. He hadn’t felt this way in all of his time and so every dawn and dusk he looked forward to that moment he could meet her in the sky, as day turned to night, and they could talk for a while

They’re first kiss happened exactly as the sun was about to set and he painted the most beautiful sky to greet his new found lover and they agreed to meet there for many forevers to come.

The End.

Three on the Third

There were three of us
Same dirt road
We walked for miles
Spent miles thinking of rest
Wondering if we could hide under the moon
Dreading the suns return
The night was jet black
There were no stars
We had no car
And we avoided any eye contact
That might give away how close we are
To breaking
Breaking down
Breaking hard
This parallel to life had gone too far
Never again would this mind be the same
Didn’t even notice it was the trigger
That gave way
Gave way to the vulnerabilities
The ones that never existed before
But now stay
How did I get this way?
Nothing about my life had changed until that jet-black night with no stars
Walking along a dirt path with no car
My mental is forever shifted
There’s an imbalance they say
But what a life I live to witness
A resilience unfazed
by every symbol
The wind blew her way
That said “you are not enough”
Too many times she fell but every time she’d rise
Because of what happened that jet-black night with no stars walking on a dirt path with no car was that she found her heart still danced to its own rhythm and through each sacrifice there was a light being lit at the vigil of her failures.
Everything happens for a reason
But that don’t ever mean it’s all easy.
Accept the good, the bad and all its seasons

It was written, the reason we’re still breathing