A, bb appreciation prose 🌹
Tag Archives: Freedom
Death to the Flesh
I died today
For much too long, I tried so hard to stay
Flirting with limbo
Until I could bend no more
I could not stretch my hands further
Running at super sonic speed one day I crashed into my father
I found him when I went wandering
Through the meadows of nature
And it hit me that this was painted by his brush and
All the bumping and jiving
The sneaking, the lying
The sex and reckless driving
The tree and long islands
Could not compare to the feeling of freedom I got that day when I lift my eyes up
Fresh water streaked down my cheeks
And collected into a puddle reflecting my whole life
Mirroring the emptiness
The bitter loneliness that all along I’d tried to hide back when
I was driven by my passion and desire
To feel loved
But the good news is that I let it all go
And I died today
And the world could go up in flames
And I wouldn’t batt a lash
Because of the many they put on His back
I’m free and forever an heir
And there’s no chance of me turning to salt
Cause there’s no looking back from here
Who are you?
I’m dialing in now,
Because something painfully apparent had been revealed to me. I was so exhausted, heavy, practically a martyr, because I was so easily and intentionally influenced by my friends, my family, my teachers, all the people I know in the world. I have wanted them to shape me. And help me figure out who I am. By doing so, I have put them before me. Because my biggest joy was to be able to help someone with something as simple as making them smile or something as big as loaning them money I don’t really have.
The thing about God and prayer is that he will grant you all that you pray for; knowing this, I am comforted but also now realize I never knew what to pray about. I would just thank God for my life, ask for forgiveness from my wrongdoings and mostly I prayed for other people. But I rarely prayed for myself and my wants. Because I never really knew what I wanted for myself so I would just hope and pray that someone out there is also praying for me.
But man! I’m so done with all of that. I want to pray for me. I want to please me. I want to choose me for a change. Instead of wearing the fact, that I was always the last person to get chosen for a team for dodgeball; or that I was born under extenuating circumstances, as a badge of honor. I will humble myself. I will take delight in the lord and I’ll pray for me. This year, 2015,I choose me.
I wrote a piece called “The Knowledge of Good and Evil: Part 1” it is in a series of 3. Part 1 is about the internalized and brutal self-hatred a person may have for themselves and the uncovering of a facade. Part 2 is about the foreign self-love a person starts to consciously strive and long for with true joy in mind. Then the final, Part 3 is about forgiveness. The forgiveness of yourself. I am my toughest critic to the point where I once feared my own self and my capabilities. But now I no longer fear. I am calm and at peace with who I am today. I love who I am. I love me, for a change.
And I just love how God has been using me and my writing. It truly is a gift that I don’t take for granted. People admire me for my writing or my confidence or my perseverance and I know it’s not me that they see when they look admirably onto me. It is the light in me. He deserves all the glory. And I just want everyone to feel the love I feel. Cause it really all could be so simple…