Tag Archives: growth

Laugh Til We Cry

A, bb appreciation prose 🌹

2014: Love

After being single for 5 years, and having only ever been in 1-real, committed relationship which lasted approx. 10 months, Love has found me again! And it’s not your ordinary love ok! My man is literally a superhero. And it feels so good to be with him. I’ve learned and grown and been exposed to SO much in so little time it’s like amazing to me. I always prayed that I would be with someone good. And I used to really cry because I felt like “WHY DOESN’T ANYONE LIKE ME?” and I’d always say “I THOUGHT I MADE MYSELF SO EASY TO LOVE!” but I was always the friend or the homie or ended up in these temporary situationships (FREQUENTLY! Lol) and honestly, I made a few reckless decisions this year because of my lack of patience. And went through some really serious things that often halt the lives of so many women. So I feel so blessed that I wasn’t broken and actually was blessed with this beautiful gift, that is Felix Darko. We are so connected. I knew I’d get someone GOOD one day because God is faithful, but wow! God really out-did himself with this one. I could’ve never dreamed of meeting a real man and actually become fortunate enough to bag him! Lol. He’s taught me things that have helped to shaped and changed my entire life. He’s helped me to work on my relationship with God even more and think positively and speak positively and fear not to dream without bounds. He’s also taught me a lot about forgiveness. I’m still working on all these things, but I feel I’ve been so trapped by my past and my pain that it’s never really even passed. (i.e: Erykah Badu’s- Bag Lady) That has been me my entire life. I’ve been a hoarder of all things good and bad and my back finally broke in 2013. But see God saved me and changed me! I’m happier than I’ve ever been. To think around this time I was contemplating and shockingly close to committing suicide… I’m so glad to be here. Life is so beautiful! The sun, the moon, the flowers. Everything is so beautiful. You just have to choose to see it. We have free will. So you live the life you choose. I’m so thankful I chose life and life chose me. Now THIS, this truly, is only the beginning! So thanks for following me on this journey and getting to know me. The real me.

2014: “GOOD News”

A lot of badness happened this year on the news. From police brutality to high profil sexual assault cases. If someone were to turn on the news, who was not familiar with America at all, they’d think this country is seriously heading for huge disaster. And though it does really appear that way, I’ve been imagining a world where we had at least one news channel that highlighted “Good news!” You know? Like it could begin with an enthusiastic breakdown of the weather and even as it got coler, it would still be a happy forecast because the sun never leaves us ever. Yet we give it hardly any attention except in the summer. Then reporters could report about graduations and new medical advances like the male birth control. It could show some of the beautiful relationships we’ve built with other countries or even highlight community heroes. And this is non-stop. They really limit us. And you know what you think, so shall you be. So if all were hearing about is rape, racism, killing for example- that’s all that is going to continue to happen disproportionately in this country ya know? Every news station reports the same news. It’s time for a change. Give us options. And if you wont, I will. This has become a new dream of mine. I don’t particularly care about news or politics much but I do care strongly care about mental health, and I feel this could dramatically increase the happiness of people in this country. We are constantly surrounding by negativity. And though I keep up to date with current events, I rarely watch the news. I’m not saying these issues should not be highlight, they have to be. I’m just saying lets add some versatility. So this is one of my future goals/dreams for my future.

Speaking of future. I have recently grasped the concept of the power of what we say and what we think. I think I had always been reluctant to dream big or plan in advance more than a week. In fact I embraced my impulsivity and spontaneity. I flaunted the fact that I wake up and do no thing the same way I did the day before besides hygiene related things. I’m young. And I’m learning. So now I feel like, thanks to my newly strengthened faith in God as well as my current partner, that I want to dream big! And wild! And huge! I want to really visualize who and where I will be in my future. I still feel there is no more important time than now, but now that I’m better understanding the grace of God I think its more than okay and actually wise to plan for tomorrow, and the next day, and the next year. I’m really amazed by my growth. 2013 was the darkest year I’d ever had in my life. And 2014 was the lightest I’ve ever experienced in my life. So I know 2015 can only be even more amazing!