The Bible says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct thy paths”

This is really profound to me now as I approach my birthday coming up in the late of June. I ask myself, “What do I want?” You know the whole ‘ask and you shall receive’ principle is useless without knowing what you want for yourself. I don’t want to end up not knowing what I want and therefore not knowing what to ask for and ultimately not receiving as a result.

Only for the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want. I want to focus on myself. I want to develop and grow in my faith, in my career, in my studies and increase the joy and happiness I experience on a regular basis. However, this is hard for me to grapple with because I’m such a lover of people. Such a social being. I want to share everything with everyone and I tend to lose focus on myself in the process. Now, I kind of want to dedicate and commit some serious time for myself and my individual growth. This is something that I’ve been sharing with my best friend and my sister. Both who have heard me express a similar desire for some time but have not seen a change in my behavior or actions therefore they see me as the girl who cried wolf. So I decided to dial up heavens hotlines today. I prayed for a long time. I thought in silence for a long time. And now I’m writing to flesh out these thoughts.

I’m reminded that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. In other words without action your plans and goals are useless. I can sit here all day and say I want, I want, I want. And I have done so for a while. However, if I’m not actively pursing the things that I want by accepting change; I will continue to get the same results. Insanity they call it. And it feels a lot like that sometimes with the internal conflict between wanting change but doing nothing about it.

I think sometimes, I don’t take action because then that solidifies that things will really get real. Comfort can be the enemy. It’s safe and there are no surprises. But I want to break of this comfort because that’s how you grow. That’s how you mature. And I also know that discipline is a huge factor required in the sort of change in focus that I long for, but I have been trying to find my way around it. Discipline comes from within. It is a change in mentality I know is required for me to change and reevaluate my focus. So there’s really no avoiding that.

Prayer does change things as well but at the end of the day you have the free will to live the life you choose. And now I really want to shift my attention. In many ways I feel like I’m being too abrupt or selfish in thinking about focusing on myself. But I know to whom much is given much is tested or required. So since this desire was placed on my heart I want to follow it and encourage anyone who may be thinking about inviting any new changes in their lives to do it. Do not be swayed or guilt tripped into believing focusing on yourself is ever a negative thing. And be clear that deciding to focus on yourself is a commitment but does not exclude helping others or neglecting friends. It just means you are making yourself a priority and I know for me the single most important relationship that I want to hold above all else is that which is with God. That relationship is the only one I can think of that will guide me 100% in the right direction and will favor and bring great peace to my life. Always.