I sit here half-way curled in the warmth of my comforter, eating almonds, drinking cranberry juice, reflecting on my past week. Wow, this was one hell of a week!
The end of Kanye West’s “Who will Survive in America?”- has been ringing in my mental like nonstop. It can get hard out here.
That rain got a lot worse in my life after I wrote that last post, and I went through a full hurricane and I guess the best place to describe where I am right now is in the eye of the storm. Today was the 3rd time this week I’d read or heard someone reference how in the world we will have tribulations but in God we will have peace. Since I am in both currently, it’s like I have front row seats to watch as this storm attempts to plow through my life right now. I just smiled writing that. Because I feel joy. I feel peace. I really do. And even this girl recognized that in me this past week, she commended me for persevering through at least the school related struggles I was going through this past week. That acknowledgement felt good. Because
There’s always been a lot of noise in my life. But I never knew how to regulate the volume. And so the drama and chaos would be blasting in my life and instead of trying to turn it down I was used to trying to cover my ears and just live through it. But today I’m thankful for growth and i’m thankful for the maturation that has allowed me to be the strongest version of Sua I’ve ever been in life. I just hesitated to type that for fear of being too dramatic (which apparently I am often) but no seriously! I’m not broken. considering all that is happening around me I have not been shaken. The reason is obvious. It’s the God in all of us and his grace that gets us through each day so I feel a lot better this Sunday. I feel a lot more sure, I feel a lot more safe. Ha, Kings of Leon’s “Use Somebody” just came on shuffle. I love this song! It will never get old. We all need somebody. And I’m learning what my father meant when he told my younger self that “You don’t need friends.”
All I’ve really ever had was friends so I couldn’t understand what he meant. He wasn’t saying you don’t need people or that you will make it through life humanly on your own but he was trying to teach me to not depend on friends or “men” like we’re taught from the bible. People will disappoint. So much of our world and relationships are temporary so I’m now realizing how much more important that relationship with him is. It’s amazing. There’s a Jay-z line that goes “Life is a trip so sometimes you gon stumble… you gotta go trough pain in order to become you” and I love that line because its so true. It does suck having to go through pain and darkness to learn certain lessons, but one day it’l all make sense. it all shapes you and one day you’ll be grateful at how things played out exactly according to plan, good and bad included.
looking forward to next week and the holiday! Brighter days are on the horizon.